Face off on Facebook, anyone??

Have said it before, am saying it again.... I have very, very few friends - thank God!!!
Am planning to watch 'The Social Network' all over again tonight.... just to catch those rapid fire dazzling one liners I missed the first time. The mood is somewhat low ( five out of six kids not in town). Besides, on the political front, I am seriously sick of the charade of 'nabbing' the wrong culprits.... and letting the big fish get away . Scamster Raja needs an interpreter. Why can't these chaps just stick to their mother tongue? I'd much rather read the ticker than strain to decipher what they are struggling to say in their brand of English. Kapil Sibal is an inspired choice - he is the new miracle guy on the block - the man for all seasons and portfolios. Meanwhile, no Chinese torture for Kalmadi in sight.....only patsies get caught in India. The others merely 'step down' and enjoy the spoils of their looting and cheating the nation. We deserve them!
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This appeared in Bombay Times ...
How many ‘Friends’ do you need….?


This is a sheepish confession: I do have a naam ke vaastey ‘Facebook’ presence. It was created by my canny publishers a few years ago since they believed it was important for their authors to have a presence on social networking sites (“ It is the future…’’ I was assured by the marketing team). I took their word for it and withdrew my protest. The children were aghast and alarmed (I was seen as an intruder into their space), till I assured them I had zero intention of being active on that site . Relieved but not totally convinced, they went back to FB, hoping and praying I’d stay out of their hair and turf. I did. But would my publishers have any of it? I was told my FB account would be managed by someone responsible… and that was that. Or so I thought. Weeks later I found myself in an elevator with people who were total strangers. One of them extended his hand and greeted me familiarly, adding “ We are Facebook friends! You accepted my friends’ request recently… thanks a lot.” I gulped, recovered a little, smiled weakly and hastily got off on the wrong floor. This became a ridiculous routine till I asked for help. “ Take me off the damn thing,” I pleaded with my minders. But would they listen? I finally managed to access the home page only to discover to my absolute horror that I now had over 5,000 new ‘friends’ and several ‘friends’ waiting for a green signal to go ahead. There were hundreds of ‘common friends’ and God knows how many people in different categories pushing products, ideas, paintings, poetry, themselves!!! This was the world’s biggest flea market… and I was one of the fleas!
Terrifying, right? Precisely . I was so traumatized by the discovery of all these newly minted friends, I promptly went into denial and refused to access my account after that. It’s a terrible admission, because I know it is still there – active, alive and kicking. I meet people who tell me they’ve read my columns on Facebook… and I smile vaguely. Obviously those marketing chaps are on the job, updating, chopping, changing, responding, ignoring, ‘unfriending’, poking, gifting… and generally indulging in whatever it is Facebook addicts are hooked on to. I’m out of it…was never on it… and after watching the absolutely brilliant film ( ‘The Social Network’) currently running at a friendly neighbourhood multiplex, I am mighty glad I resisted the temptation to lose my mind and steered clear of what has become a global social disease that spares nobody. People my age coo and gurgle with delight after tracing some long lost creep from their youth or connecting with old school friends, decades later. “It’s amazing! I’ve found soooo many long lost friends after years,” they declare proudly. I don’t have the heart to say , “ If they’d meant anything to you , you wouldn’t have lost contact in the first place.”
And to think it was one crazy genius from Harvard named Mark Zuckerberg ( a billionaire at 25 – top that!) who started it all. Culprit? Devil? Angel?
‘The Social Network’ will do for Facebook what ‘Wall Street’ ( the original) did for insider trading. Move over Oliver Stone. David Fincher is the main man now. As for Jesse Eisenberg’s eerily authentic performance as Zuckerberg – what can I say? Oscar??????
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Amma Knows Best!!!

I am in a zombied out state. Just back from a magical trip to Hyderabad and the opening of the spectacular Taj Falaknuma Palace Hotel. Yes, the Nizam made it to his own party!! Nothing short of a miracle, exclaimed the overawed Hyderabadis as the old boy ( with two exceedingly handsome, gracious sons) made a slow but majestic way up to the stage to receive a handsome book chronicling the history of this jewel of a palace from a modern day emperor - Ratan Tata himself. It was a historic moment - almost like the meeting of two eras, different centuries, differing ethos.... but oh so sweet.... like the famous 'meetha' of Charminar City. It was such a pleasure being in the company of truly cultured, old fashioned aristocrats dressed in their antique finery. I have been 'adaab-ing' away for the past two days.... and am planning to make it my greeting for the season ahead. It is a refined, graceful and elegant way of showing respect and humility. Just like 'Namastey'.
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This appeared in the Sunday Times...

Why ‘Amma’ always knows best…


Let’s hand it to Amma – she is nothing if not a force of nature. J.Jayalalithaa with her calm, Buddha-like expression, and the slow, measured speech, is a phenomenon in the murky world of desi politics. And…trumpets! bugles! – the Caped Wonder from Tamil Nadu is back in the game once more…with her entrée, the stakes have suddenly gotten sexier. Written off, diminished and lying low for a while, she made a dramatic reappearance in the political arena by offering an exclusive interview to Arnab Goswami on Times Now. If her calibrated quotes were designed to cause major ripples in Delhi, they certainly scored big, with partners in UPA’s assorted bread basket scrambling for cover. Ostensibly, Amma was after Scam Meister 2G Raja’s head. But was that her main or only objective? Analysts think not. The 2G scam has been around for a while. Amma had refused to get drawn into it at that stage. Raja brazened it out and laughed all the way to various banks, even as his countless critics thought the nation was diddled out of something close to two lakh crore rupees. It is a number most people would find next to impossible to fathom. How much those 122 licences issued during the auction could have fetched… should have fetched… remains in the domain of conjecture. By demanding his sacking at this critical point (when the Congress party is sweeping its stables clean of notably corrupt netas), Amma caused a mini-quake. Her serene and controlled demeanour as she outlined her plan to save the UPA and India from a possible mid-term poll, was perhaps this ex-actor’s most convincing performance to date. Not a muscle moved on her face as she went through her game plan emotionlessly, listing out her reasons for going public with her outrage. She spoke impassively while expertly crunching numbers and assuring everybody she could produce the 18 MP s needed to fill in the gap if the DMK withdrew its support to the UPA. She refused to reveal the identify of the ‘friendly parties’ on stand by, but it was abundantly clear Amma was on a roll! And there are very few politicians left who can match Jayalalithaa in full flow. She speaks eloquently and with complete authority that does not tolerate a single interruption ( for once, the garrulous Goswami was rendered speechless). She refused to get cornered on a single issue, including the prickly one involving her far from cordial relationship with Sonia Gandhi (Amma’s response was mild and philosophical). Jayalalithaa stayed resolutely focused on corruption – mega corruption - and didn’t shy away from naming names ( Ashok Chavan, Suresh Kalmadi). The message got through - when Amma means business – watch out!
What was remarkable about Jayalalithaa’s scintillating interview ( monologue is more like it), was the politically incorrect content she opted for. Blunt. To the point. And refreshingly outspoken, she delivered punches that were perfectly on target. Her bombshells had very little to do with Raja per se. This was Amma telling her admirers and opponents she’s done with sulking in the shadows and licking her wounds. She’s done with being pushed around and marginalized in her own state. And most importantly, she’s done with being petulant vis a vis the Madam in Delhi. Jayalalithaa is ready to rock! And people who know the lady insist she is one tough customer. Known to be ruthless and unsentimental when it coming to decimating those who stand in her way ( loyal friends included), this is Jayalalithaa’s moment to recover lost ground and reposition herself at the state and national levels. She candidly admitted she’d taken a few hits in the past, but asserted quickly she was ready to go into battle with renewed ferocity. She spoke about ‘weak leadership’ ( Oh- oh…. Manmohanji!), and our soft stand while dealing with Pakistan and China ( hear! hear!). She also mentioned her desire to pump up defense budgets since our army was nowhere close to China’s in terms of strength and sophistication ( too true). When was the last time we heard a politician state something as explosive on a national channel ? Jayalalithaa’s decision to go public with her politics is a staggeringly bold one. In a single shot, she conveyed several messages that will be hard for the Centre to ignore. She also issued veiled threats in the bargain – suggesting the rise of people power that could trigger off an unstoppable protest movement. Amma grandly offered to lead it if Raja’s head was not delivered on a platter soon.
While DMK bosses go into a huddle, and others wait and watch, Amma has already achieved her objective. “ I am back!” is Jayalalithaa’s war cry. Weak hearted ninnies are busy ducking and looking for places to hide. Oh…. about Raja and the multi-zulti crore scam… all lines are busy on this route. Aap qatar main ho…

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A 'Rakhel' by any other name.....

This appeared in 'The Week'....

A ‘rakhel’ by any other name….


In this, the so-called Age of Enlightenment, when the Dalai Lama himself is sending out a powerful message to the world regarding gender equality by declaring, “ I am certainly not the best Dalai Lama of 14, and certainly not the worst…. if a female reincarnation is more useful, why not?” But is anybody listening to this wise soul? It doesn’t seem so, going by the shocking description used by a senior legal luminary while referring to a live-in girl friend as a ‘keep’. What a nauseatingly old-fashioned and archaic term that is… and how obnoxious, the put down! What was the man thinking? I was vastly relieved and proud when my old friend, the feisty senior counsel Indira Jaisingh, spoke up strongly against the usage and asked a few tough questions. ‘Rakhel’ is the Hindi equvivalent of ‘keep’ and sounds nastier still, even though it is merely a literal translation. It has an abusive ring to it and is frequently hurled at women in relationships outside marriage as the worst insult ever.Designed to denigrate and humiliate the shameless hussy who has dared to defy society by sharing a bed with a man not her husband, it is the sort of word that popular television soaps adore since it is bound to evoke a strong response – mainly from other women. The convention- obsessed moralists who feel sanctimonious and smug about their own legally recognised partners ( same dolts who have tied the precious mangalsutra round their necks). All these absurdities were floating around inside my head while watching a Marathi film that deals squarely with the subject. Based on a true story, it narrates the rather sad tale of a young woman who lives with the village school teacher for thirty years but can never win the respect of the community because she is seen as a ‘rakhel’. Worse, when the upright master dies, leaving her behind in their one room tenement, the old landlord resurfaces to throw out the hapless woman insisting she has no locus standi being just a mistress of the tenant and not his wife. She bravely challenges him in court… and wins. One has to understand the happy ending in the context of when the incident takes place (decades earlier) . Given the fragile status of women at the time ,her victory indeed qualified as a progressive landmark judgement.
But the crude comment we are talking about here is less than a month old. And was made by an erudite judge, no less. Was it just the terminology that sent shock waves throughout the country? Yes, of course. Terminology can never be interpreted in isolation - it is an apt indicator of a person’s mindset. Ms. Jaisingh had raised an important counter question when she’d boldly asked what a man is called when the situation is reversed? Is he also disparagingly dubbed a ‘Keep’ in court? If not, then why not? Why the double standards? As I write this, countless ‘virtuous’ women in North India have just finished fasting for their men. ‘Karwa Chauth’ has become one of the most important dates in the calendar of certain ladies, clearly inspired by the over romanticized portrayal of this ritual in popular cinema. From those melodramatic shots of Kaajol fasting for Shah Rukh Khan ( not yet her husband) in the immensely popular ‘Dilwaley Duhaniya Le Jayengey’ many moons ago, millions of misguided wives have taken to observing ‘KC’ in a big way. This involves not just starving in style , waiting for the moon to rise and the husband to return, but also applying mehendi, dolling up in bridal finery, receiving extravagant gifts and generally bonding with like minded girl friends over music and other distractions. Since ‘KC’ has become such a huge annual farce, it is worth asking why there is no known equivalent that requires a husband to fast for the long life of the long suffering wife! I don’t know of a single custom in our culture that makes any such demand on men. The onus of keeping a marriage going, the children and spouse happy, ensuring prosperity, good health and success for all, rests squarely on the woman’s delicate shoulders. She’s the one who starves, fasts, prays, punishes herself in various ways ‘for the sake of the family’. All that is expected from the man of the house is his mighty presence. So long as he feels like Hercules and is treated like Superman, everyone is pleased, especially the Gods. And guess what? Women who are official ‘Rakhels’ and ‘Keeps’ observe Karwa Chauth, too !

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We are fooling nobody. Congress 'sacks' Kalmadi .... and seals several mouths. Ashok Chavan steps down as chief minister ( Wow!) and guess who's likely to stroll in?? Vilasrao! Whether it's Deshmukh, Shinde or Wednesday.... they sail in the same boat. If the High Command is serious about tackling corruption , arrest the scamsters.... go the whole hog. Merely asking tainted fellows to resign is nothing but a sham being made out of a mega scam. Sure, they'll step down.... buy time... fix files... and step right in again. Meanwhile the Raja of all scams is still out there.... scot free and shameless.

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Obama:Stumped by a student!

Mumbai is heaving a sigh of relief! Nothing matters as much as dhanda - not even the mighty President of the United States ( POTUS sounds awful!) turning up for a whirlwind visit that so far has yielded very little - for India. Michelle won hearts and even has a baby named after her ( the mother had to brave barricades to make it to the hospital on time). But sorry.... Barack didn't really cut it the way Bill ( Clinton) did with the Mumbaikars. Brand Obama - a bit too slick, a bit too smart.... but sadly, no heart!

All it took to 'hilao' POTUS was a straight off the bat question (" Why is Pakistan so important as an ally that America has never called it a terrorist state?") from Afsheen Irani, a 19- year-old student from Mumbai's H.R.College. Obama played for time, stuttered and stammered a really dumb ass reply that said precisely nothing! If only our journos could be as bold and direct while interviewing the high and mighty.

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This appeared in Bombay Times today.....

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Nothing ‘adarsh’ about our Babus and Netas…

I sure as hell didn’t want to ruin my Diwali by focusing on last week’s depressing revelations. In fact, for me, it was next-to-impossible to disengage from the scandal, since all I had to do was step out into my balcony. ‘Adarsh’ - India’s Tower of Shame is located across the small bay near my home… it is hard to miss. My one small consolation was that on Diwali day, it was the only building in the area that remained in total darkness, even as the headlines revealed one scandal after another associated with ‘Adarsh’. Some of the names involved were surprising – these were people we knew quite well. Bureaucrats one met socially and actually liked! People ‘like us’. And to think they were implicated in something as murky… as slimy. In any other country, the top man\ woman would have instantly lost his job. But that doesn’t happen in India. And the reason it doesn’t is as sickening as the crime itself. The ‘setting’ goes all the way to the very top. If even one person squeals, several biggies fall.Nobody wants that – right? Something on such a scale can only be pulled off if several departments and agencies are in caho

ots and getting their pound of flesh from the juicy deal. The ‘cuts’ go across the board – which is also why the question of belling the cat does not arise. The ‘system’ protects everyone – and the rot originates in Delhi. In the old days, there was a different sort of understanding between politicians of all hues . The expected thing to do in the wake of a major scandal was for the main villain to take the rap for his mentor , put in his papers and wait for the enquiry to exonerate his ‘good name’. This is the classic ploy that allows all the players to buy time . The scamsters then set about their work which is to destroy evidence, fix files, fix enemies and critics, and wait for public memory to fade. Generally, this ruse works. Though occasionally the fall guy never recovers ( as it happened with Antulay). In the case of ‘Adarsh’, the shame is multiplied many times over since so many highly respected Army guys are involved. Citizens expect politicians to be venal, despicable, corrupt and capable of low down deals that don’t spare even our war heroes. But this is the first time in our country that so many armed forces’ honchos have been exposed. That is the most worrisome aspect of the current mess. But nobody except our ‘evil genius’ bureaucrats can create the complex maze that is systematically constructed around such scams - this is the exclusive work of our Babus. It is they who now the laws and bye laws inside out. It is they who have mastered the art of manipulating various loopholes. It is they who show the way to interested parties as to how those rules can be bent to accommodate any and every requirement. It is the Babus of India who have turned the country into a gigantic swamp of corruption.
‘Adarsh’ may see a few heads roll if the media keeps up the pressure. But will any of the charges stick given the lack of evidence? Assuming an F.I.R. is indeed filed, what will the outcome be? Zilch. The case will drag on for decades, while those implicated will merrily continue with heir lives, safe in the knowledge that the super deluxe ‘Adarsh’ flats (valued at a whopping 8 crores), although illegally built and grabbed by them, will not be taken away, nor will any of the powerful residents be jailed for criminal conspiracy . A few months down the line, all the culprits will resume their ‘normal’ lives and we will foolishly… tiredly move on. ‘Corruption Fatigue’ has finally set in.
There are countless hidden ‘Adarsh’ societies in Mumbai itself. Someone blew the whistle on this one. That’s the only difference.

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Happy Diwali Blogdosts!

This rates as one of my best Diwalis ever! I'll spare you the details...
I'm off tomorrow at dawn. Have received a super cool Olive Pad from the Hello! team but have still to get the hang of it. Besides, I think my daughter Anandita has already staked her claim.
This is just to wish all of you a brave and brilliant Diwali, minus pollution of the mind, heart , body and soul. Let there be light, said God. And there was.....! Go forth and enjoy... eat, drink ( lots!), swim with the sharks.... and live to tell the tale. Preferably to me!

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The Power and Pull of Page 3...

This appeared on monday in Bombay Times.... just as the city's tireless party- goers were recovering from a LOOOOOOONG , hard night of net- working and grabbing attention at the Bombay Times Halloween-themed bash of all bashes . Does nobody have any plain simple fun these days?????
As for me, I was away in distant Chandigarh enjoying the sharp nip in the air, plus, the company of intelligent, uncomplicated, real people. I was there to launch 'Shobhaa at Sixty' - and what a memorable launch it turned out to be!! More on that once I get the pictures. But just to give you a small jhalak - over 1,100 balloons with a strong message were launched by the students of the Vivek High School ( started 26 years ago and going strong!), to mark the occasion. The kids welcomed me with a vigourous Bhangra performance that was the asli, not naqli Bollywood performance. Energetic, robust,colourful - I was enthralled. And yes, I had the creamy, thick, ice cold lassi in a mitti glass at Gopal's, ginger and ajwain flavoured chaat at Garg's Gol Guppa House and a splendid Chinese meal at The Black Lotus in the Taj Hotel where I was staying. I didn't spot any witches and ghouls, though. Guess they were all at the Bombay Times party in Mumbai!!!!
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The Power and Pull of Page 3…


Since I have been travelling extensively over the past month, I have been doing my own ‘Page 3’ research in every town and city. The findings are fascinating! Since the entire Page 3 Phenomenon started right here, sixteen years ago, and just grew and grew into this mammoth-sized monster devouring every wannabe in its path, it is a subject that requires closer scrutiny. Nearly every local paper now has its own version of Page 3 – including all those holier- than- thou establishment papers that used to sniff derisively and claim they would never succumb! A quick trip to Aurangabad opened my eyes still further. For one, this is the city that got the world talking by placing a single order for 151 Mercedes cars in one dramatic go! Since then, another order for 28, top of the line, S- Class Mercs ( over a crore each) has also been placed – that’s what I call a real Diwali in Stuttgart, the home of Mercedes. Local papers regularly cover the lives of those richie rich car owners and their incredibly lavish life styles. They are happy being super celebs in Aurangabad even if the rest of India hasn’t heard of them. Ditto in Hyderabad, which boasts of over 10 Phantoms, as many Maseratis and countless Bentleys. Who owns these fancy wheels? Who knows? But they cruise around the throbbing city with posh owners at the wheel… the same ones who feature morning after morning on Page 3 partying with one another in palatial homes that resemble Italian \ Balinese palaces. Same story in Pune, Ludhiana, Chandigarh, Bangalore. That’s where the wealth is and that’s also where a new generation of Page 3 regulars is being spawned. I was pretty amazed by what I saw in Chattrapur last week – bet you don’t know where Chattarpur is, right? It’s about an hour and a half outside Delhi, and is rapidly becoming the Alibag of that part of the world. This is where those sprawling farm houses are located. This is also where the latest Porsche scrapes past a smoke spewing tractor on a narrow dirt track. And village women wearing grubby ghagras gather firewood as memsaabs clad in glam gowns rush off into the still night driven by haughty chauffeurs at the wheels of blood red Ferraris. This new breed of Page 3’s neither knows nor cares who rules the social roost in Mumbai. They are smug and happy in their neighbourhood being Queen Bees of their own party set. They preen and pose for friendly photographers they’re on first name terms with and airily take their places on the front rows during fashion week as if it’s their birthright. Which is why it becomes doubly embarrassing when desperate for recognition Mumbai socialites crash Delhi parties and shamelessly network with people who wonder how they are there in the first place! This happened right in front of my eyes on the lawns of the French Embassy, but the host was too polite and well mannered to throw the woman out. On her part, she had flown in that morning and muscled her way into the soiree, determined not to be left out of such a high profile, high powered evening. Being a fixture on Page 3 in Mumbai did not guarantee her an entrée into society in Delhi. But let’s hand it to her for brazenly trying! Next time, she may even succeed.
Such is the power and pull of Page 3.
Take a bow, Team B.T. Or, better still….. HIDE!

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Mumbai Masti for the Obamas....?

Guys.... impossible to get away from Diwali Dhamakas.... but I'm determined to escape. Have been upto my eyeballs in work and some engaging distractions as well.... more masala khabar... but break ke baad. Gotta run!!!
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This appeared in Sunday Times....


Just how big is The Big ‘O’…?

Welcome to India, Obamaji!
Now, now…. calm down everyone. The Big ‘O’ isn’t what your wicked mind is thinking. The reference is to ‘Obama’, but yes, his virgin visit to Bharat Desh can definitely be dubbed orgasmic. When was the last time Superman flew into town accompanied by a designer clad Lois Lane? Bill Clinton’s visit in 2002 doesn’t really count – he was a disgraced, Lewinsk-ed ex-Prezzie at the time, and even his embroidered, bandmaster-style bandgala could not salvage the tattered image. This one is the real biggie. The most powerful man in the world ( take a walk, Putin, and don’t forget your black belt) is all set to wow the most powerful democracy on earth – it is likely to become the ultimate power fest. A team of 1,500 honchos, U.S. warships in our waters, fighter planes in our skies. God knows what else, where else. Let’s see who blinks first. As the Americans would put it , “ We have issues.” Nothing all that serious, nothing that cannot be resolved, nothing that could embarrass either administration. But. And that’s an important ‘but’. Obamaji has to ‘get’ India. That needs a certain instinct, a certain mindset. India is unique. And it’s high time world leaders understood and accepted our uniqueness. It is also high time we stopped over explaining ourselves, or apologizing for being ‘like that only’. If Obama listens to his mind and heart rather than his minders, perhaps the dialogue that emerges will be more meaningful. He is an astute and clever man. Right now, his ratings are tanking almost as dramatically as Tiger Woods’. Yes, his image is taking a battering back home. And yes, Biwi No.1 Michelle is loved and adored while he is watched and judged. But that’s how it goes – it ain’t a fair world.
The India he will air drop into may delight and surprise him, if he allows himself to respond and react to the country minus political blinkers. We really are good guys…. annoying and impossible… but essentially good. Our openness, our over garrulous nature and that seriously annoying penchant for making faux pas after faux pas lands us in hot water frequently. But looked at another way, rather us across a negotiating table than the inscrutable Chinese or the wily Pakistanis. Not that Obama has to pick at his point, but a visit on this level says a hell of a lot through non-verbal communication. Obama has not been perceived as a ‘friend of India’ . His harsh comments about outsourcing have not gone down well, even though we know they were made for domestic consumption. His position on Pakistan sponsored terrorism has been more wishy washy than we would have wished. But the timing of his visit couldn’t have been better. And it is upto us – not him - how we leverage it. At the time of writing, his exact programme remains unclear ( security concerns ). People in South Mumbai are starting to mew a little about the inconvenience his visit will cause them. They should be told to shut up and put up. It’s a small price to pay if the trip pulls off a coup or two. Strategically speaking, his visit is expected to send out a strong and powerful signal to our neighbours. But more than that, it is expected to boost our morale via a couple of juicy commercial deals.
Obama’s visit comes at an auspicious time – Diwali. We should pull out all the stops and let the guy experience The Festival of Lights in all its dazzling glory. Instead of marching him off to predictable and boring destinations to ‘pay homage’ to assorted oldie goldies, let him hang with the young of India. Mumbai is one of the most buzzed cities on earth – a city as much about survivors as achievers. Let’s hope someone up there has the imagination and guts to get the Obamas to meet the asli Mumbaikars once he’s done bonding with the usual suspects. The Obamas are young, hip, cool and very today. They should definitely experience a bit of Mumbai Masti.Let them check out the electric scene for themselves – show them the real illuminations – the earthen diyas that light up the entrance of every humble shanty in Mumbai’s throbbing slums. Why make our poor invisible? Leave that trick to the Chinese. Why not let Obama look into the shining eyes of our street urchins at traffic lights – share a few genuine smiles with them rather than schmooze with the fake smileswallas?Not likely, right? No matter. The Big O is coming to woo India. Let us co-opt him into the Great Big Indian Family…. Bollywood –style, with naach gaana, band baaja and an ‘item number’ composed in his honour…. and no, the lyrics definitely can’t go, “ Barack Badnaam Hua, Darrrrrling India ke liye.”

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