The heat is on.....

The heat is on... and it's getting to me! I spent most of today shuttling between Lamington Road and Elphinstone Road. The heat was murderous... as was my mood. Bholanath, my temp driver was at the receiving end of my wrath, alas. For some annoying reason, I always end up as a navigator in any car I get into. My road sense is pretty damn good ( but I don't drive !). That does not mean I spend my hours in the car giving road directions to men whose job it is to know the damn roads in the first place! Bholanath became surly and argumentative with me , saying, " But you have grown up in Mumbai - it's your hometown , not mine. Howcome you don't know this road?" I snapped, " As a professional chauffeur earning a good salary, it's your bloody job to know the roads. " Before it got into a serious 'tu tu main main' situation, I quickly phoned a friend ( no, not Raj Thackeray!), asked for precise directions and reached the venue on time - fuming - but on time! Grrrrrrrr
These images cheered me up.... took me back to my trip to Australia last year.These were clicked near Noosa, which is fast growing into an upmarket getaway. I was there with my son Aditya.... and we really had the best time.
Lemme know if you want to see some more pics.... I have cooled down sufficiently now. There's nothing a bowl of chilled mangoes with vanilla icecream can't instantly fix!

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Cannes Alert:Beware! Bollywood on the prowl!!

This is an image I clicked in a busy mall just to test a new camera chip I'd bought. I really liked it a lot - it's so sci-fi and scary! Agree?
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This appeared in Bombay Times today....I shall be travelling from next week or so.... this space may not be updated as frequently while I'm on the road. But knowing my addiction to it, I'll manage short posts somehow. Never having been to Bhutan, I don't know how things work in Thimpu, but I'll find out soon enough. Anything to crawl away from the mugginess of Mumbai....
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Cannes… watch out! Here comes Bollywood!!

Aren’t we all just holding our collective breaths for that much awaited Red Carpet moment at Cannes? And wondering what are our Bollywood Beauties are going to pull out this time? Some more Gown Disasters? Some really , really tacky ‘couture’ that would make any self-respecting designer blush? Another fashion faux pas that will be hard to live down? Let’s pray hard someone up there loves us… and them… enough to not let that happen. In any case, what’s the big deal about that one blessed Red Carpet, anyway? Why does the fashion world keep its eyes peeled for just these super hyped Cannes appearances… more, much ,more than all the other high profile glam events put together - the Oscars included? Bhagwan only knows. But the magic of Cannes is something else, as anybody lucky enough to have been there for the Festival will readily testify. The Indian presence goes up every year…. which is a good thing. It would have been an even better thing had business followed the same trajectory. If only the quality of our films had matched our enthusiasm for rushing to Cannes, the story would have been different. Let’s be honest, all those gorgeous gals from Mumbai who’ll be parading on that famous carpet, have not been invited to the prestigious festival for their acting achievements. They are there merely as models. Celebrity brand ambassadors. Most of the coveted invitations to our Bollywood brigade have been issued by foreign booze, watch, jewellery, hair and skin product companies . Why? Because India is potentially their biggest market. If these brand ambassadors further push sales thanks to the coverage they’ll hopefully receive, all those brand managers will be over the moon with happiness. And consumers back home will drink more whiskey, wash their hair with shampoos that promise shine, and sport pricey watches that do more than merely tell the time – they make a major statement. For those few magical moments when our stars make it to the most important photo-op in the commercial world, they’ll feel like royalty. But, with all this aggressive promotional activity, will they manage to attract international paparazzi attention? Highly unlikely. There’s far too much competition! This year looks like a real biggie, with mega Hollywood stars in attendance. Then there is the legendary Robert de Niro as President of the jury. Not to forget the presence of the French First Lady Carla Bruni ( preggie or not? She’s not saying as yet). Woody Allen will open the Festival with ‘Midnight in Paris’, no doubt to rave reviews. No matter what Woody Allen makes, the French gobble it up. He enjoys a far bigger fan following in France than back home in America. What real chance do our desi stars stand in such illustrious company? Hilarious as it sounds, it is the fact that apart from Aishwarya Rai ( this will be her tenth Cannes outing ), who will also be there as a brand ambassador for one of the main sponsors of the Festival, the only other local actress who may get recognized is Mallika Sherawat ( remember, she claims equality with Barack Obama, and he may just be her BBM buddy). Assuming, she will be wearing something – anything - on that carpet (her clothes get skimpier by the year), she is bound to attract eyeballs. For whatever it’s worth, Mallika is the only Bollywood starlet this year with a Hollywood film that has a screening at Cannes. That’s more than can be claimed by others who are flocking there to attend promotional parties ( largely hosted by our own Cannes regulars like Vijay Mallya ), and get some mileage back home bragging about their look for the big day. Fingers crossed and hope to God these ladies wow the hard-to-impress attendees at Cannes – after all, that’s what they are going there for. Come on, if you were an International cinema buff , hanging around on the Croissette, would you really notice or care whether a Minishaa Lamba was in the vicinity?
Let’s hope a time will come in the not so distant future when our talented and fabulous looking stars go to Cannes as actors, not clotheshorses. It’s worth remembering this Festival is primarily about films – not fashion.
P.S. : I’m banking on Rani Mukherjee to save the day. If she’s smart, she’ll stick to a sexy saree…. and steal the show.

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Geronimo:Kahani abhi baaki hai...Happy Mother's Day!

I love tea....and everything to do with it. These pics were taken inside the famous Tea Room at the Grand Hyatt, Bangkok. The dim sums were to die for, and the ambience outstanding.The choice of teas was awesome.... sipped a lapsong after years... sipped it slowly, lingering over every smokey sip. I love teapots as well, and have a small collection. I lusted after these two, but they weren't for sale!
It's a gorgeous Saturday morning.... it's Mother's Day.
Here's wishing every human being a fabulous Mother's Day... without mothers, none of us would be here!!
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Okay, Obama devotees.... do your bit .... bash me! I love your faith in and adulation for the man. I'm sure Obama is a great guy.... but it's totally okay not to adore him unilaterally. Khair.... I do understand the passion of the newly converted.... go ahead, guys. Worship him!

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This appeared today in the Asian Age...


“ It’s a go!” said Obama.And they went…!

How I love that line : “ It’s a go!” said President Obama. And they went! It is so quintessentially American. So cowboy! On Friday, April 29th, the mighty President of the United States of America ordered the historic raid that killed one of the most dreaded men who ever lived – Osama bin Laden. Strange, but not even a week later, all the drama witnessed by incredulous viewers across the world, is beginning to resemble a bang bang Western from the early ‘80’s. “Geronimo EKIA…” was the terse confirmation from Leon Panetta,CIA chief, to his boss, after those mysterious SEALS descended on an ugly mansion in a peculiarly named town ( Abbottabad) deep inside Pakistan. Nobody in India had really heard of this blessed place, nobody… except our very own actor Manoj ( Bharat) Kumar, who was born there. Listening to President Obama’s precisely delivered televised speech ( strictly, no emotions), it was impossible not to rub ones eyes in sheer disbelief and ask, “ Is this really the whole story? Will the world ever know what really happened on that moonless night?” The answer is obvious : No, we won’t. The sensible thing to do is take Obama’s word for it…. and move on. There will be versions galore in the years to come. Military analysts will deconstruct and point out the obvious holes in the official version.But for most observers, it’s enough that Obama took out the man responsible for the deaths of so many innocent people, not just in America, but across the world. Why probe? Or go too deeply into how it was done… why now… or even that it came nearly a decade too late. Let’s just say, ‘Thank you, Barack,” and khisko to the nearest disco. The euphoria of this victory needs to be savoured just a bit longer, without nit -picking or bitching. Though, it’s hard not to indulge in either activity, given some of the obvious absurdities and contradictions that are now emerging. Kyunki, think about it: is a dead Osama better than Osama alive? Does his death make the world a safer place?On the contrary, we are back to square one, looking over our shoulders at possible retaliatory action planned by members of the dreaded al-Qaida. Some say the backlash is inevitable.
Two nights after Obama’s announcement , I was with a low key , self styled America expert. This is a very clued in person who hangs out with sources most professional journos would give an arm and a leg to cultivate. I was pretty sure he’d be in the mood to brag a little …or even, a lot! People like him make a pretty cushy living out of creating ‘clout perceptions’ that suggest their proximity to powerful insiders. I asked my acquaintance some basic questions about Operation Geronimo - questions that demanded common sense not military intelligence. From where did those attack choppers take off ?If they flew in from a distance, even a short one, how come they went undetected for close to an hour? What about the noise? Sure, it was a moonless night and black birds ( even gigantic ones) in the sky are hard to spot.But we are not discussing visibility here. What about hearing? Those guys in the neighbourhood may have been asleep, but were they also deaf…did nobody hear the roar of those killer machines hovering over their heads? The expert leaned forward conspiratorially and said, “Why are you forgetting one thing? It is the Americans themselves who have given all the hardware to Pakistan, trained their men, set up the systems. How difficult is it for the very same Americans to use the systems, facilities, locations, codes and machines to conduct such a strike from within the country? Who would suspect or stop them? It is the Americans who have equipped the Pakistani military, armed them to the teeth, given billions of dollars to create sophisticated establishments all over. They merely used their own expertise and free access for this operation. Smart move. I’d call it a good return on their investment!” I immediately bought the guy two more drinks. Whether or not this is an accurate assessment, it made sense. The Americans neatly turned the tables on their ‘students’ and pulled off one of the biggest coups before those sleepy chaps could blink.
The hard work begins now. According to Mr. Know it All, this has been one of Obama’s shrewdest moves, not just to assert himself and work on falling ratings ( up, already), but also to show Hillary Clinton her place. Apparently, Barack is a bit tired of Hill and Bill running the show in Washington. The Clintons were seen as an annoying, interfering duo, trying to dominate the White House with the full support of key aides loyal to both of them. It was time to show them who was boss. It was also time to tell the world he was indeed the Most Powerful Human Being Alive, and never mind detractors constantly reminding him of his failings… his weaknesses. The ‘Situation Room’ images had their own story to tell. Hillary looked worried as the team waits for more live feeds from SEALS in Abbottabad. Obama appeared the coolest customer in the group, casually attired in a white tee and bomber jacket. But it was the President’s calm and strong address to his people and the rest of the world, a few hours later that will become the definitive moment of his Presidency, regardless of what follows. I have to confess, I have always been critical of his much acclaimed oratory. No doubt, he has a great speech writer and Obama delivers those evocative lines faultlessly. But a tele- prompted speech remains a mechanical performance and somehow doesn’t touch hearts in quite the same way as an old fashioned, unrehearsed bhaashan. Clearly, I am in a minority on this one going by the spate of nasty comments posted on my blog after my spontaneous reaction to the address.
Acchha… now to clear the debris left behind by those 79 SEALS in four choppers…. physical and psychological debris.
Khel Khatam? Hardly. Kahani abhi baaki hai. A new khel has just begun. Kyon, Kayaniji?

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Sick of Obama and Osama...

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I can't take in any more details about 'Operation Geronimo'. God alone knows what exactly happened on that moonless night. But whatever did, it's over and we want our old lives back. My interest level in the capture and killing of Osama Bin Laden, now begins and ends with Osama's Yemeni wife - the youngest one, 27-year-old Amal al Sadah, who was brave enough to take on the SEALS. I'd rather see her photographs than grisly, even doctored images of her dead husband.
And I definitely don't want to look at pictures of Baba Ramdev - whether starving or eating. This whole hunger strike nonsense is getting to me. If every disgruntled VVIP decides to use his\her stomach as a weapon, we are going to get a lot of size zero martyrs floating around, trying to send the rest of us on a guilt trip.
Go starve, you guys. And see if anyone cares....
Oooof.... feeling so much better having said that!
Do enjoy my pics - those beautiful islands near Yao Noi are dramatic rock formations which play host to the birds that create that delicacy known as Bird's Nest soup. There are seasons and quotas in place for the adventurous rock climbers who risk their lives to climb the rocks and retrieve the elusive nests which are then sold to gourmet restaurants world wide. Nope. I have yet to sample the delicacy myself.
The other image is of the famous Erawan shrine in Bangkok, which attracts hundreds of people daily. The Thais were celebrating Songkran ( New Year), the day I shot this image. Looking at it just now made me feel mellow and calm. You can keep your violent footage of a notorious mansion in Abbottabad. I'd rather stick to a peaceful shrine in Bangkok.
And while I am in nostalgic mood, let me go spray myself with the world's most divine fragrance. It is called Acqua di Santa Maria Novella. And I found it in Bangkok! It goes back to 1612 and was originally produced by Dominican Friars when they arrived in Florence in 1221, and started growing herbs in the monastic gardens. It is now run by the descendants of Cesare Augusto Stefani and sold through their outlets in several European countries, as well as in Japan and Taiwan.
Trust me.... one whiff.... that's all it takes. I'm hooked!

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Banyan Tree musings...

This image is for all those of you who wrote such sweet things about the thirsty bird. I love trees.... and I flipped for this particular Banyan Tree in Phuket. I saw it in a different light, literally and figuratively, each time I came back to the old-fashioned resort of the same name, known for its exquisitely polite service.
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As for all the Breaking News today.... ho hum. Tell me something I don't know, guys.
Absurdly enough, the fate of the missing chief minister of Arunachal Pradesh seems to be of very little interest to anyone. Compare the poor coverage his missing chopper has received to the sort of carpet bombing of media that had followed the chopper crash of the c.m. of Andhra Pradesh not so long ago. Howcome? No wonder people from the North East feel such a sense of marginalisation.... even isolation , from the motherland.
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Guys, will someone please tell me WHAT Hillary Clinton has done to herself , virtually overnight? Did you watch her official statement on tv after the Osama killing? She was almost unrecognisable! That perfectly coiffed hair, the toned down make-up, and several feminine touches to her otherwise severe pant suit ( green scarf, matching beads). Hmmmmmm. Botox can only take care of that much. The rest?? If Hillary has had major work done, then for God's sake tell us who did it!!!! Competing with Michelle in the fashion stakes? Hillary is looking like a million bucks. Good investment, girl.

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Obama-Osama aftermath....

This is an image I shot on a recent holiday. I felt like posting it today because I am sick of watching horrific pictures on television - fake or otherwise. Osama is dead. Do we need to crow about it in such an unseemly fashion? Somehow, all that strutting and posturing by the President of the United States of America, looks immature and ridiculous. Like a school boy bragging about some victory on the cricket field. Grow up, Obama. Or get a better speech writer. All that "I,Me,Myself'' chest-thumping reflects rather poorly on your position. Let's face it, you had a job to do. You've done it. Now.... get over it, dude!
What do you want as a reward ? Another Nobel??

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Obama gets Osama!

Gotcha!!! It's taken the mighty United States of America nearly 10 years to 'find' the world's most wanted mass murderer. And where was the man ultimately found? Not in some remote cave.... not in an inaccessible jungle.... but in a luxury apartment not too far from Islamabad in Pakistan! Sorry.... but I have a major credibility problem . Look at the timing! Just when President Obama's ratings couldn't have sunk lower.... and even a man like Donald Trump could announce his intention to run for President, here comes the big news the civilised world has been waiting for. Osama ( just one letter of the alphabet separates their names!) has been located and killed in a 'firefight'. Conveniently, this important news is broken at prime time on a sunday! That gives Americans a chance to come out onto the streets and celebrate...especially in front of the White House. Overnight, Obama is Superman!
Chalo... theek hai. His second term is guaranteed. God bless America.... and yes, the world , too!
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This appeared in the Sunday Times : A kiss is just a Kiss....

Aaaawwww! Come on, everybody. The silly season is upon us. Mid-summer madness beckons. It’s time to kiss and make up! Preferably in public. PDA is here to stay. Why not pucker up in right royal Windsor style and go for it? If Kate and William can, so can you! Yup. Even without an audience of four billion panting viewers across the globe. Minus a palace setting. A packed stadium will do… right Liz? Right Shane? Cricket fans are getting more than their money’s worth days these days, what with Siddhartha Mallya kootcie- cooing with Deepiks Padukone in the stands. And the ever dependable Liz Hurley going into a rapturous clinch with the even more dependable Shane Warne . Kissing in public has become an epidemic and is considered super cool. Everybody is hard at it. Seal it with a smooch, is the new celeb mantra. And see the difference it makes … to your image, maybe even, your fortune.
We strongly recommend this non-violent, far more effective approach to resolving tricky issues to some of our stodgy, high profile politicos. Suresh Kalmadi has passed his sell-by date on all levels, kissing included. So, he can sulk away in custody, shut his eyes for a long, long time to come, but chances of anybody offering to kiss the man and forgive him, are very remote. Chappals , not chummas for this bloke. Raja, however has a lot of takers. But he’s playing hard to get. As for Ajit Pawar, Maharashtra’s asli Lover Boy, he is pretty isolated as of now, with hardly any ‘Adarsh’ left.The only person who may oblige the guy, is his long suffering wife, Sunetra. In the same context, Vilasrao Deshmukh and Sushil Kumar Shinde could do with loads of TLC – not necessarily from their respective spouses, though. Both ‘Vaahinis’ are low key ladies who barely make eye contact with their husbands . Understandable. Those two are out! Also out is Sharad Pawar. One wonders… when was the last time Sharad Bhau kissed? Or received a kiss? Fifty years ago? Though, his daughter Supriya, can definitely buss hubby Sadanand publicly and nobody will blink. It may not be that easy for Kanimozhi to follow suit, unless she kisses Rajathi Karunanidhi, her beleagured mother( a kiss does not require language skills, and advancing years are not a barrier. So, no excuses for exempting the old girl this time). Amma may have a whole lot of serious making- up- before -breaking- up ahead of her now. But hey.. there’s a lot of Jayalalitha to love, as well! Mayawati is way too fierce for anybody to kiss.Khair, who knows? It’s hard to visualize Mamata Bannerjee cracking a smile, leave aside kissing her detractors. Ditto for Sonia Gandhi.But in their own individual interests, they could take the middle road and kiss a few hands… for Sonia, it would be a queenly gesture reserved for loyal subjects. All the minions have to do is bow deeply and kiss the air above her clenched fist as a sign of abject surrender. No dearth of takers for our Dimpled Darling. Rahul Baba’s countless acolytes will be more than happy to kiss a body part one normally sits on.Manmohan Singh and kissing don’t quite go together. In any case, where will the poor man draw the line? How many adversaries can he possibly placate at this point?Murli Manohar Joshi is definitely not in the mood to kiss the P.M. He could always take tips from P.Chidambaram ( none from Pranab Mukherjee, alas). Our P.C. could give Emran Hashmi ( Bollywood’s serial kisser) a run for his money in this department.Talking of air kissing in the prescribed manner, our netas could hire the services of prominent Mumbai-Delhi socialites to demonstrate the art of going cheek-by-jowl, pretending to kiss without any actual physical contact taking place. It is indeed an art…even if most amateurish players butcher the moment by planting a noisy peck on a reluctant cheek, or grimacing while dodging a clumsy attempt to grab and mwuaah mwuaah with the best of them.
Now, comes the sexy part. Our original stud muffins – those dashing cricketers ( also known as testosterone- in- motion) could win another World Cup in kissing.. Dhoni will attract wall-to-wall kissing partners if he so decides… fans who will willingly pose as foes for the privilege. Yuvraj Singh’s lips need some down time, or else he’ll have to be forcibly rested. We don’t want him on the benches and out of action, do we? Bhajji, too. He’s an expert ( when his vigilant mother is not looking over his broad shoulders, that is). Girls may be scared to kiss Malinga and get lost in all that wooly hair.But there are any number of takers for the dashing Pollard, as recent pictures will confirm. Saina Nehwal has beaten Sania Mirza in the kissable stakes. Badminton is suddenly sexier than tennis. So there. Leander and Mahesh are both taken ( by luscious ladies, at that). Rule them out, girls. I doubt Vishwanath Anand is a world champion at kissing, somehow. But boxer Vijendra Singh could well be.
The kiss of kisses is the one Corporate India has been waiting breathlessly for. It is a brotherly one. The day Mukesh and Anil end the feud by sealing and healing the rift with a public kiss ( okay, we’ll settle for a hand shake) the sun may rise in the West, and the moon may follow, but the huge sigh of relief that will greet this special moment will just blow the planets away and out of their orbits! Just do it, guys! Kiss… and don’t tell! Do we have a deal?

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