Baby B is finally here!!

India can stop being pregnant ... now that Aishwarya has delivered Baby B! I have written two columns on this momentous occasion... watch this space! Am off to Dubai / Sharjah for the Book Fair at which India and Indian authors are the focus this year. Am looking forward to this event, mainly to check for myself whether or not people read in that part of the world! Ten years ago I had inaugurated a similar Book Fair which had seen the participation of top International publishers.... but hardly any readers!! More on my return. Till then... mubarak ho!! Congratulations to the family and blessings for the Bachchan bachcha.

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This appeared in Hi Blitz!

It’s all in the bag….!

What’s with women and handbags? Oh…. billions! One day I shall meet my dream woman, Mayawati, and the only thing I’d wish to discuss with her – you’ve guessed it – is handbags. Mayawati is India’s official Bag Lady. And here’s why I think Hermes should exclusively design for and dedicate a bag to our pyaari Mayawati. Birkins and Kellys don’t quite cut it in India. Every B-grade starlet in Bollywood possesses several – fakes, of course. And socialites in droves parade their limited edition trophy bags along with the latest, not-so-limited toy boy. Agree, both make great eye candy. But think about the poor brand! It has taken Hermes a few decades to convince the world there’s nothing quite as desirable as a Kelly or Birkin. But now that desi starlets, poppets and bimbettes have started flashing their acquisitions on Page 3, the bags are doomed! This is where Mayawati comes in. Hermes should sign her up as a brand ambassador instantly. Forget those anorexic actresses with attitude. Signing Mayawati would be an absolute coup! An audacious and imaginative move that would make international headlines. Given all her statues ( always but always with a handbag), the marketing opportunities are pretty impressive. Every great leader \ dictator is associated with a symbol. Gaddafi had his head gear. Che’s beret remains a huge political –cum- fashion statement. Gandhiji’ s round eye frames are considered cool. Anna appropriated the Mahatma’s topi. Netaji preferred breeches. Rajiv Gandhi’s trademark Gucci loafers are widely copied by young netas of today. Indira Gandhi’s handloom one–offs are Sonia’s legacy now. And Maya Memsaab’s rexine handbags are so closely associated with her personality, I half –suspect she goes to bed with a handbag slung around her wrist.
Interestingly enough, I attended a high profile Halloween party last month. A soiree hosted by India’s most applauded banker. Along with the witches and devils in scary gear, one couple really stood out. Our neighbour Pomi arrived with a garland of currency notes around her neck, her feet shod in heavy duty rubber chappals . She was, of course, carrying a hideous plastic handbag. Just in case people didn’t get her attire,or understand her tribute to Mayawati that night, her husband Bharat was dressed as his wife’s official bagman ( dhoti, dark glasses, shoes and socks ). He walked in dragging a large suitcase to stash the cash. That was not just a clever fancy dress, but an enormous statement that wasn’t lost on the moneymen present! This sexy Mayawati really rocked the party . That night itself, I made a few mental notes. Hermes has recently opened a suitably swishy flagship store in Mumbai ( I have yet to visit… but I’m not a Birkin babe). The more I thought about the Mayawati Bag, the better sense it made! She has the numbers. And does she have the lolly! If even one hundreth of her followers buy her bag, that’s one hell of a lot of money in the bank! I would love to own one, myself! Why should I carry a bag inspired by Princess Grace Kelly of Monaco when I can support Maharani Mayawati of Uttar Pradesh?
Let’s hope Mayawati does not dilute her impressive equity. It has to be Hermes or nothing! Mayawati is way bigger than Paris Hilton, who came to India to sell her handbags. If Mayawati positions and markets herself strategically, she could become the Planet Earth’s biggest Bag Lady. She has the potential to beat Imelda Marcos, whose staggering shoe collection became a talking point for the world. The Hermes representatives in India claim sales shot up after the famous ‘Bagwati’ spoof in ‘Zindagi….’. According to them, there is a long waiting list for an identical bag in the two India stores ( the first one opened in Pune – which says something about Pune and its purchasing power). If a Bollywood spoof and shrewd product placement could generate so much press ( and instant sales), imagine the impact a Mayawati Bag would have. And since timing is everything, it would make perfect sense to work on the launch immediately. The Elections are round the corner. And the heat this generates in U.P. can be capitalized on even as we speak. Mayawati is going to dominate our mind space in 2012. She is a pretty powerful brand in her own right. Since India will be seeing a lot of this lady in the coming year, and we all know Mayawati and her bag can never be parted, Hermes should move ahead tout suite and … well, bag her, before someone else does. I have visualized the design in my head. It features the Taj Mahal ( remember Mayawati’s memorable Taj corridor plan?). The bag will have to be large enough to balance the lady’s own proportions ( this is important - all future statues will necessarily commemorate Mayawati’s international rise to fame and glory). As a prime ministerial candidate, it is important to create a bag that reflects Mayawati’s personality, which is awesome and daunting. By then she’s bound to be on all the world’s Rich Lists. Officially, at that. We can’t have her carrying the wrong bag. Indian Izzat ka sawal, hai.
How about it, Hermes?

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Sweeeeeet Kangana!

This appeared in Bombay Times yesterday....

There’s Something about Kangana….

I saw a ravishing looking woman at a distance and wondered who she was. This was at Mumbai airport, weekday mid-morning.She turned around and waved. Several heads swiveled simultaneously. It was as if every single person in the overcrowded lounge had eyes for just this one person. It was only when I reached her that I recognised Kangana . Kangana Chameleon. She is such a lovely girl – lovely, as in individualistic, spunky, edgy, beautiful. There’s nothing boring about Kangana. Nothing predictable, either. That’s what makes her special. Whether it’s her choice of men or movies, she’s like Maggi Noodles – different. Wearing a perfectly filled, sporty day dress and standing steady on towering heels, Kangana could have passed for an international ramp walker. She laughed when I told her that and said she was on a crazy diet plan to tone up big time for her new role for which she has to slither into a skin tight rubber suit. She pouted, “ I have to oil my body before getting into costume. Even if I lose a few more kilos, a single extra fold on my skin will show on screen.” Dear God! All this self -punishment for a costume and a glam role! I asked about her new hair… it looked like a well- constructed, short blond-ish wig. That question was enough to set her off! She talked about having spent nine straight hours at her regular salon with her regular hair stylist, who must have been on something far stronger than coffee when she did what she did to Kangana’s hair! According to the actress, once she washed out the colour, not only was her hair grey (“not platinum blond…. but GREY!”), it was also coming off her scalp in clumps. Agitated and exhausted, Kangana ordered the hair dresser to somehow fix the damage. “ Next thing I knew, it was 3 inches short on top , with a straggly, long Chinese chhoti at the back. All this after trying imported hair extensions which hurt and prevented me from sleeping at night because of the head ache.” Several deeply interested passengers traveling on the same flight to Ahemdabad, were eagerly hanging on to her every word. By this time, Kangana was in full flow. She said she was going to Ahemdabad for an event ( she wasn’t very sure what she was expected to promote at the store!), but that she would be paid a huge amount of money for showing up ( “I’ll pick up the cheque and come home”). She chuckled with delight at the ease of it all, while two minders ( event managers? ) in shiny suits looked nervously at one another. I asked who did her clothes shopping? Kangana always displays such confidence and flair, her style quotient seems to improve by the hour as it were! Unlike other Bollywood stars who seem clueless and paralysed without their stylists, Kangana sets her own trends and often defies fashion gurus by her eccentric wardrobe choices that work splendidly for her. She replied proudly she is her own shopper and mainly buys her clothes and accessories during her foreign trips. It figures. Heaven knows where she gets it all from… I’d say, it’s inborn. Kangana remains an obstinate original. As we walked into the aircraft, still discussing “burnt and damaged” hair, “ unflattering rubber suits” and other fascinating details that define the life of movie stars, Kangana slid into row one (business class). She thought I would be seated right next to her! I laughed and showed her my cattle class boarding pass. She looked aghast and upset…. “But why?” she wanted to know. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the Sahitya Akademi does not have lavish budgets for us poor writers, and the ‘event’ I was attending in A’Bad was just a humble, national Colloquium for Women Writers at which each participant would receive an honourarium of a princely 2000 rupees. Kangana continued to look terribly distressed. I guessed she was feeling exceedingly sorry for me!! Sweet Kangana!

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Get 'Diggy' with it....!

I came back from a whirlwind trip to Amdavad last night. I was there to deliver the keynote address at the National Colloquium for Women Writers, organised by the Sahitya Akademi and the English Department of the University of Gujarat. Twenty writers... and terrific local interest, made for a successful occasion. I was honoured to deliver the address which I had titled : ".... and where do we go from here?" If any of you can provide an answer to that intriguing question, I'll attempt the impossible and write you a poem! Take a crack at it, Blogdosts! Do it in 250 words or so....
Amdavad is such a transformed city, I could have been in Hyderabad! All our cities look alike these days, and I hate the conformity. But at least one thing has not changed in Amdavad - the food! I went to 'Rajwadu', an amazing destination spread over an acre ( the owners grow their own vegetables and fruits and everything is organic) . Ably conceived and run by the portly and popular Manishbhai, the restaurant-cum-cultural centre serves the best Gujju thali I've ever eaten outside a Gujju home. More than that, it honours Gujarati writers and poets in the charming bookstore attached to the restaurant, not just by selling their books but displaying posters featuring quotes from their work. I was delighted to find two of my books (Gujarati editions)on the shelves.
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This appeared in the Sunday Times of India today...

The Importance of being Rahul Baba…

“We need Rahul Gandhi to look after all of us,” declared Digvijay Singh without cringing or blushing. Digvijay is 64- years- old.And Rahul, 41 .What exactly was Digvijay Singh thinking when he made that rather astonishing statement? And who is ‘we’? The people of India? The Congress Party? Digvijay Singh’s immediate family? What sort of ‘looking after’ was he referring to? Physical and emotional well-being? Spiritual succour? Political leadership?Who knows? Diggy has spoken! And going by his recent, unchallenged utterings , it is safe to assume he speaks for ‘the family’. And that includes the extended family around Rahul Gandhi.As the officially designated Good Shepherd, Rahul is expected to provide the much needed booster shot to a party that is dithering and struggling to hang together. Too many brains, too much ambition and lots at stake.Plus, the rather grim possibility of a couple of heads ready to roll in the near future. Takleef ki baat hai - no leader, no rudder. Just a good looking, earnest young man trying hard to fit into a role he doesn’t particularly enjoy. It is almost as if all this responsibility is being thrust on the poor chap and he is being force fed on a daily diet of sycophancy to make everything seem better.For all his good manners and charm, Rahul looks and behaves like a well- meaning apprentice working in a PSU. An intern learning the ropes under the critical gaze of a billion people. It’s tough being Rahul Gandhi. But then again, what choice does he have?
If Sonia indeed does slide over to ease sonny boy into her own, highly privileged position, there won’t be a squeak of protest. If that happens and Rahul gets to cut his teeth on steering the shaky party (with a li’l help from mama) to safer ground, will Rahul get promoted to the next level, and have India’s prime ministership thrust on him? Zero resistance guaranteed. Even from those ministers who are spending more time these days on fixing each other than on earning their keep. Better a Rahul, than a rival! Corporate India will be overjoyed as well. Rahul is seen as ‘one of us’, and everybody is comfortable with him. Besides, as business honchos have shrewdly concluded, rather a wet- behind- the ears Rahul, than any of the Maciavellian present lot gunning for the top job. Poor Rahul is no ‘game changer’. But he is a welcome distraction. The media loves him – he is photogenic, young and reasonably articulate. He is no threat to anyone. And it is understood, Rahul can be ‘mananged’ quite effortlessly, if handled right. So far, ‘Team Rahul’ is lying low, perhaps waiting to test the waters before unveiling ‘The Plan for the Prince’. It’s the right strategy.Playing it cool is definitely the way forward, and Rahul’s minders are making sure he doesn’t overstate his case or credentials. For a person who has no real qualifications, has not held a ministerial post, moving to the top of the heap may prove to be a little tougher than envisaged. But throughout history, there have been inexperienced young princes groomed and licked into shape by senior courtiers and family elders. Again, comparing Rahul’s trajectory to his father’s is not fair. Rajiv was plucked out his comfort zone and thrust into a brand new role because of a ghastly personal tragedy. The mood of the nation was gloomy… India was grieving. It’s a different story now. The only grief we know has to do with corruption and poor governance. Is Rahul Gandhi the right person to lead a frontal attack against both? Can he play the Knight in Shining Armour and fix the naughty boys within his own party before tackling the rest? Today’s young Indian is impatient, aggressive and demanding. Deliver or else, is how it works.Rahul Gandhi has to deliver.Dropping in on unsuspecting, poverty stricken villagers to break bhakris with them can only take Rahul this far. If he does indeed take the leap of faith required to lead India as prime minister , he will have to do much better than that. As reality shows go, there can be no better concept than India itself. Today, we have a Sushil Kumar , the toast of the country after winning 5 crores on KBC. Sushil Kumar has The Big B to thank for his luck turning overnight. But The Big G ( Rahul) has it tougher by far. He will have to hold out a comparable promise to an entire generation of hungry Indians waiting to hit the jackpot.
In case Rahul Baba gets stuck, who will bail him – and us – out? Any answers, Diggyji??

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Belle of the Management Ball....

I am still recovering from the strobe effects of the super glam Hello! Awards,aptly titled 'The Hall of Fame.' It's in its second edition this year, and the team was wondering whether or not it was possible to top the razzle -dazzle of Year One. Well, tough as it sounds, they did it! Despite the lack of grace and co-operation from The Trident Hotel where this high profile event was held. "Never again!" I overheard the Hello! team muttering after they were denied a meal, post-event! Besides these sort of hiccups, the show went on splendidly, with everyone from a Mukesh Ambani to an SRK turning up and participating with gusto. I enjoyed myself thoroughly.... but am seriously worried. What happens next year?? Watch this space!
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This appeared in The Week recently...

Belle of the Management Ball…

Recently, at an intense workshop for high powered female managers from across India , I was initially startled and then vastly amused by a particular response. I had posed this ‘simple’ question – ‘Who am I?” to the group, which was made up of forty, fiercely determined high achievers. Most of the ladies who had volunteered to share their answers, stuck to predictable statements such as, “I am a mother, a wife…a daughter…” and little beyond that. The clichés kept coming. A few variations were clearly aimed at impressing the bosses who were present, “ I am a leader… a great motivator…” Finally, one woman got up and announced defiantly, “I am a thief, a cheat and a liar.” Suddenly, every person in the room woke up and was on red alert. What? Was this woman totally crazy? Did she not care about her job and the poor impression she was creating? She had obviously anticipated just such a reaction. Calmly, she explained what she meant: “ I cheat on my husband by feigning interest in his conversation at the end of a long day, when all I want to do is put my feet up and relax. I lie to my bosses and pretend to be sick when I want to spend time with my baby daughter. And I call myself a thief for stealing time which does not belong to me to pursue my personal interests during work hours.” After the shock value of her opening remarks had died down, and the real import of her words sank in, all the women present – her colleagues and competitors,started clapping and cheering enthusiastically. She was the undisputed belle of the ball. Why? She was the one person who had spoken the truth. And given the tense ambience, that took a lot of guts.
I talk to professional women’s groups quite a lot, and the one commonality that often disturbs me is the lack of humour and the absence of poetry in their lives. Most of these women give the impression of being too uptight and wound up. Yes, they make a lot of money. But look at the irony of their situation – they have zero time to enjoy it! Yes, they get married, produce a child or two. But again, by the time they get home after putting in a twelve hour day at a soulless, impersonal work station, they are too exhausted to laugh, hug, chat or cuddle. The high pressure in the office robs them of any joy… worse, it completely depletes their energy levels. Often they are dealing with demanding clients from different parts of the world, functioning in time zones that are crazy for us in India. There are goals and targets that have to be met. Performance reviews that entail deep scrutiny. There is always the threat of an aggressive rival ready to displace the person and move into that vacated chair. Combine that with the so-called team spirit that has to be strictly adhered to even if you harbour murderous thoughts about the rest…. ooooof! Is it really worth it? What about an early burn out? And to get down to basics – what about a healthy sex life? These are women in their prime. And making love is a luxury they can’t afford! Tragic! I boldly asked them if they made the time for sex in their young marriages. Most shook their heads and sighed philosophically. One of them shrugged, “Who cares? What use are husbands these days?” This was getting sadder and sadder.
At the end of my session, as I was walking out with the bright, ambitious supervisors who were pretty pleased about the response to the workshop,I asked one of them if they had a recreational facility in that vast, green and cheerful complex. A facility where these stressed out ladies could relax a bit, enjoy a foot massage, get their hair and nails done, feel a bit pampered, listen to music, enjoy art, flip through magazines and books, maybe catch up on a movie. The answer was a flat ‘no’. But all you have here is an army of trained worker ants , I pointed out. I barely spotted a genuine smile or even a cheerful face. The women looked tense, preoccupied and miserable. How can they be productive if they are so robotic? The supervisors exchanged meaningful looks and answered mysteriously, “We have our own ways to keep them motivated. Our subsidized cafeteria has the best chefs in town. We feed them well!”
Gulp. That was my food for thought. Sorry to say, I could barely digest it.

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The 5 Crore Man....

A big hug to our Blogdost, Harish Iyer (Aham) who has won the ndtv Zindagi Live Award for Social Service!! Applause! Applause! He richly deserves it! And one more hug for another Blogdost Aparna Velankar for conducting a superb 'In Conversation' at the 25th 'Parle Katta' on saturday. It was a really special evening spent with 500 pre-dominantly Maharashtrian residents of Vile Parle. Not only was the function (held in a large garden) exceedingly well organised, but the thoughtful snacks served ( delicious sabudana khichdi,spicy batata wada with sweet chutney and elaichi flavoured, home brewed coffee) rounded off an ideas-charged evening, made still more special thanks to a fragrant tokri of Champak blossoms given to me and Aparna. Wish more people would offer local seasonal flowers to guests instead of boring, commercial bouquets! Questions from the audience were challenging and lively. This is the kind of crowd nobody can fool. I was delighted to be a part of it. So, when Mark Tully ( I met him at the closing party for the just concluded Mumbai Lit Fest, aptly called Literature Live, and ably chaired by Anil Dharker) snarkily asked me whether I had accepted such an invitation in order to sell more books, I snapped back ( no regrets!) and told him where to get off. Really!Such a crass question!
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This appeared in Bombay Times today...

The Five Crore Man..

Sushil Kumar from Bihar has joined the ranks of the ‘most-recognised’ celebrities in India after winning 5 crores on Amitabh Bachchan’s KBC. Excellent timing ( Diwali ) and superb marketing have propelled the young man from a life of total obscurity to an entirely different world under the spotlight. So far, Sushil Kumar remains delightfully underwhelmed by the attention and the moolah. I happened to share the same flight to Delhi last week, and have to confess I didn’t recognize the non-descript young man who was minding his own business and reading a Hindi newspaper. The story changed as soon as we landed. Several co-passengers gheraoed him , asking for autographs. He posed for pictures and chatted away without the slightest self-consciousness. Someone brought him over for an introduction and he disarmingly stated that since he didn’t speak any English, we’d have to converse in Hindi . He spoke sensibly and sincerely about his win, neither boasting nor underplaying its significance in his life. At the swanky New Delhi terminal, once again Sushil Kumar was enthusiastically mobbed by passengers and staff. The last I saw of him,he was in the middle of a large crowd getting clicked on several cell phones. He appeared cool and unfazed by all the attention. This is true celebrity.
Contrast Sushil Kumar’s attitude to that of nobodies parading as celebrities. Especially B- and C- grade Bollywood types who refuse to take their shades off inside the aircraft, and strut up and down the aisle strenuously trying to attract attention. It’s easy to spot these wannabes from a mile as they collar Page 3 photographers at splashy events and insist on being photographed with the Chief Guest. If a pesky kid is stupid enough to ask for an autograph, these delusional people display the worst attitude and a basic lack of good manners by playing hard to get. Quite forgetting that their 15 minutes of fame got over years ago. Perhaps a few months from now, not too many people will remember Sushil Kumar ( someone else may win 10 crores by then!). But chances are, it won’t matter to this down to earth man. He is clear about his objectives and wants to spend his win on educating his brothers and continuing his own education. Married less than six months ago, he smiles shyly when asked what he’d like to gift his wife. For now, Sushil Kumar is in a happy space, soberly enjoying his fame and good fortune . He isn’t likely to buy the latest designer shades to hide behind. Nor does one expect him to go for a fancy car. But while his moment of glory lasts, Sushil Kumar is all set to enjoy every minute of it! Good luck to the 5 Crore Man!
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Driving back from Pune recently, I had to pinch myself several times. The skyline has changed so dramatically it’s possible to believe one is in some futuristic city. Those towers! The mad architecture that mimics the best and worst of Singapore or Dubai. The gigantic shopping complexes that cover several acres! Mumbai is beginning to look like a poor cousin of Vashi and Belapur! Some irony, that!
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Happy Birthday Bombay Times! Those who made it to the Anniversary Mad Hatter’s Party confirm they had an absolute blast. Nothing less was expected. Get ready to devour Page 3 to Page 20 crammed with wall-to-wall coverage of the event that saw the city’s Most Terrific at their party best.

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"Aapun Ka Party Kabh Hai?"

Irony!Irony! The famous Bombay Times Anniversary Bash coincides with the CHILDLINE party for street kids. Both will be fun. B.T. has a theme - it's a Mad Hatters' Party. But our raasta bachchas will rock theirs without special props or costumes!
As for me, I shall be at Parle Katta talking to what I have been told is a very informed and lively Maharshtrian audience. Post that function, I shall join the Lit Set at the ongoing Mumbai Lit Fest. Must say Thomas Freidman left me thanda. And I am sick to death with his 'world is flat' bilge. Go get some rest, Tom.
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This appeared in the Asian Age today...

Statues Of Liberty!
I swear I am not joking! After a vroom vroom visit to Maya-land to watch India’s virgin F1 at the world- class Buddh International Circuit (BIC), I am ready to personally carve a brand new, larger-than-lifesize statue of Mayawati and erect it at a prominent junction in Mumbai. That lady is something else! I will also request Nargis Fakhri ( the latest Bollywood hottie) to perform ‘Behenji Badnaam Hui…” at the next F1. Come on, don’t you agree Nargis is far better looking than that weirdo Gaga with her tri-colour fake hair? In any case we vastly prefer our desi girls ( even if they are only 50-50 desi).Mayawati is my Babe-of-the-moment. After pulling off that coup (F1), Mayawati’s stock has zoomed at a speed faster than Sebastian Vettel’s mean machine could rev up. Suddenly, all those snotty Formula One fans from Delhi,Mumbai and other cities, have had to suck in their breaths and say , “Wow!How did she do it? HOW?” Mind you, no matter who else was involved ( yes, Shri Jaiprakash Gaur, we know it’s you!) it was Mayawati who walked away with all the credit. And hello! nobody wants to get into the nitty gritties. A few legal eagles ,, in on the myriad contracts, whispered not everything was all that kosher and that there were several wheels within wheels and deals within deals, with a whole lot of black in the lentils.Does anybody really care? Naah!With stories galore about Mayawati’s family members allegedly getting pretty juicy prime cuts on virtually every brick and bag of cement used, nobody blinked or minded. The reaction has been cool and blasé. “ Let them also make money, yaar. But at least India delivered big time for a change. Look at what happened with CAG. Paisa khaaya aur kuch bhi nahi kiya.It was such a disgrace.” Point. We are very sweet and considerate that way. We expect our leaders to keep their family members khush. It’s a given. If Asif Zardari was known in Pakistan as Mr. Ten Percent, Mayawati’s gang falls into the Messrs.Thirty Per Cent. Jaaney do. At least Mayawati fixed the Doubting Thomases who had predicted she’d fall flat on her face with the F1 . Advantage Behenji . As anybody who made a pit stop at the Budhh Circuit will readily confirm, this was an absolute coup. And the response ( even from skeptics) has been an unconditional thumbs up. Let’s not get ethics and values into the picture. Nor the staggering cost of getting the track and infrastructure off the ground.Point is, Buddh took fans by surprise. But more importantly, it took the motor racing world’s breath away.
The most interesting aspect of attending the historic Indian F1 was the long drive to the distant venue. A drive that took people past the famous 3,000 crore park with ‘those’ statues that have generated so much criticism and scorn. I passed the park four times. At one point our car was stuck right opposite the notorious elephants , lining the gigantic Dalit Prerna Hall. The first reaction to the elephants and the imposing Stupa-style structure was very positive. The design was pleasing, aesthetic and wonderfully conceived. What had I expected? I’ll be candid and tell you – I had imagined the much-discussed park to be a totally hideous complex crammed with ugly statues. Instead, what I saw was a magnificent ground dotted with handsome monuments made out of local stone, and built in a holistic style devoid of any ostentation. Mayawati certainly got this right, as well! As to why she is ‘wasting’ so much money on those statues? Because Mayawati is smart!She has vision.What she has cleverly invested in ( the park) reflects the aspirations and hopes of Dalits. It’s a beautiful space Dalits can finally call their own. A space they have never had. Never! A space that provides a strong sense of identity…that they can feel proud of. Intuitively and instinctively, Mayawati must have known that if she wants to leave behind a worthwhile, memorable legacy for future generations to enjoy, it had to be on this scale and on these terms. Good for her.
When one looks around India ( a country obsessed by symbols of power in the form of statues), whose figures do we see? Here’s a rough check list: topping it is, of course, Mahatma Gandhi. Followed by Nehru,Netaji, Shivaji and the odd Maharaja. You my find a Jhansi Ki Rani, Lal Bahadur Shastri, Tilak, Tagore and Patel. Ambedkar stands tall in more and more cities these days. Then on to countless Indira and Rajiv Gandhi representations.Nearly every important modern landmark is named after one or the other member of the Gandhi family - the mother,son or grandfather. Airports, and other public buildings are all taken by the trio. What about Mumbai’s Rajiv Gandhi Sea Link, which should have legitimately been named after Ambedkar, who was born in Worli, where it is located…. but wasn’t? What about the acres and acres of land in Delhi devoted to various ‘sthals’? How come nobody finds all of this ‘wasteful, extravagant, meaningless’? Mayawati is no fool. It is all about those numbers. She is looking ahead at the Big Picture, and what she’s seeing is obviously good. She is not waiting for anyone to erect her statues… she’s doing the job herself. She is shrewd enough to realize the power of the statue-politics. The more you erect, the stronger the positioning . Why wait till you are dead and gone for followers to get those statues up? Like Saddam Hussein or Col. Gaddafi, Mayawati is assiduously building her own personality cult. Let’s just hope her statues don’t suffer the same fate as theirs did . Till then, let Mayawati bask in and enjoy her international fame posing with the handsome young F1 champions.She’s finally in the fast track… who can stop her now??

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Ra.None??? Tan tana... the promised review!

Blogdosts, let's get a few things straight - the movie has made money. Does personal opinion really matter?? Naaaaaaah!
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This appeared in Bombay Times today....

What were you thinking, SRK?

When a hotelier scouts around for a new property, he keeps just one mantra in mind : Location.Location. Location. This is the only formula that works in that line of business. Similarly, when a film maker decides to make a movie, the only mantra worth following is : Script.Script.Script. After sitting through half of Ra.One ( I rarely leave a movie mid-way, but this one propelled me out of the multiplex at intermission), I was totally perplexed! SRK is one of the smartest, most hard working human beings in the film industry. How did he go so wrong? Could he not see the obvious flaws? Judge the mood of his audience? Tweak and fix all that was cringe- making and deeply embarrassing about his magnum opus? And let’s not get into the numbers game here and talk about how much it has raked in and how much more will be made once the hisaab kitaab is completed? There was much, much more riding on this film, than just box office collections. SRK knows that, too. His singular lack of judgment in backing such a mish mash of a movie makes fans gnash their teeth in frustration and ask what has happened to their superhero?Not only is the whole nerdy South Indian ‘Appa’ angle completely off ( come on, how many South Indian men shovel noodles with dahi into their mouths and keep repeating ‘Aiyooo’ in a fake accent?). But so was the Punjabi Kudi Kareena as a gaali researcher North Indian biwi! Bebo as the mother of a precocious pre-teen ‘Baba’? No way! The opening scene was so gauche and amateurish one almost expected a ‘Mogambo Khush Hua’, dialogue during what was meant to be a hi-tech, state of the art presentation in London. And why was SRK the Southie scientist wearing a gollywog wig and make up? How insulting! As for that dreadful sexist scene of SRK looking for keys buried inside a white woman’s cleavage , really! Gross.
The little boy (Amaan Verma) playing Prateek should immediately sign up for a range of hair products, with that glossy mop. And SRK should go off on a relaxing vacation. He has really earned it. Never has a movie star flogged himself this hard to promote a film. If only he had invested half that energy rewriting the awful script, the movie could have been salvaged somewhat. There were so many unconnected parallel tracks going on, it was confusing and annoying…. like watching half-a-dozen movies clumsily spliced together by an editor high on something very potent. Such a pity, given the potentially sound basic premise ( a father dying to be his son’s hero). But even that was ruined by the ridiculous mugging scene. Besides, if there is a moral in all this it is that special effects are no substitutes for a story. Ra.One is an example of how to blow up several millions – literally speaking – on so little.If kids are the target audience, wouldn’t they prefer to buy the latest video game with a more convincing plot? Poor SRK.It’s all about timing. So much déjà vu is bad for business.Had audiences not watched Rajnikanth as Chitti in ‘Robot’ (superb and similar special effects, plus an emotional track) and related to that character, Ra.One may not have received such a drubbing. Unfortunately, even young fans ended up saying, “Been there.Done that.”

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