Presenting the blockbuster novel of 2012

The absolutely unputdownable

SETHJI

BY

Shobhaa Dé

RELEASING ON NOVEMBER 1^st

‘The arrow shot by the archer may or may not kill a single person. But stratagems devised by wise men can kill even babes in the womb.’—Kautilya

 This book  is dedicated  to our beloved politicians.... may their tribe decrease

Sethji is a quintessential Shobhaa Dé -- racy, controversial,provocative and dark. In other words, Sethji is unputdownable. 

Sethji provides penetrating insights into the complex innards of contemporary politics in India. Written with sly humour and the characteristic Dé flair for storytelling, Sethji takes you where no other political novel has before - into the depraved centre of Delhi’s power hungry salons, where lives are traded and deals brokered - ruthlessly, efficiently and crudely.

Sethji heads  ABSP, a crucial coalition partner in the government. Shrewd, devious and an inveterate fighter, he is a man who refuses to play by any moral codes or lose a single battle. Easing his way is Amrita, his ravishing and aloof daughter-in-law who guards her own secrets. But when two of the country's most powerful men team up to challenge Sethji, the wily old politician has to fight the deadliest battle of his life a battle in which he must stake everything. The one person he is forced to trust is Amrita, a woman who gives nothing away, not even to Sethji. 

Sethji is Shobhaa Dé’s biggest, most ambitious book yet, one in which she brings her unmatched candour and tremendous daring. Returning to fiction after a decade, Shobhaa has created a character who will stay with readers long after they think they’ve seen the last of him on the last page. It will do to politics what Starry Nights did for Bollywood.

About Shobhaa Dé

Shobhaa Dé’s seventeen books include the bestsellers Socialite Evenings, Starry Nights, Spouse and Superstar India. A widely read columnist in leading publications, she is known for her outspoken views, making her one of India’s most respected opinion shapers. Dé lives in Mumbai with her family.

Follow us at www.facebook.com/WhoIsSethji

For more details please write to amrita.talwar@in.penguingroup.com 

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Blogdosts, the countdown has begun! Flipkart zindabad!

BOOK! BOOK! BOOK!

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Ashtami Greetings, Blogdosts...

I love going to the Durga Badi at Tejpal.... have been doing so without a break for the past 25 years. Last night was just wonderful. For the first time, the dynamic organising committee had announced a dance competition. This is a unique form of worship, when devotees bearing earthen ware containers spewing clouds of fragrant dhoop, dance for the Goddess, swaying to the hypnotic beats of the dhaak. There's always a large representation of the members of the South Mumbai Bengali community,who show up in all their traditional finery, to offer pushpanjali and aarti to Ma Durga. It's a marvelous way to foster a feeling of community and togetherness....I wish I had clicked pictures of the talented dancers. But for those of you who'd like to watch the dance, check out Sanjay Dutt's version of it in - was it 'Devdas'?
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My jury duty at MAMI continues. Apart from the aborted screening of L'Ámour, film enthusiasts have been gorging on great cinema. I enjoyed ''Á Happy Reunion'- shot in Taipei and Hangzhou,  a shamelessly sentimental saga - very much in the Bollywood tradition.
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When I met Yash Chopra at Amitabh Bachchan's 70th Birthday party (we were seated at the same table), I somehow felt it would be the last time... even though he was in a good mood and didn't look ill at all.So, last night, when the news flashed on television, I wasn't surprised in the least. A tiny mosquito felled a giant of a man. Teaches one a thing or two about perspectives....

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Arvind Kejriwal,Salman Khurshid and Co...

C'est moi enjoying the cruise.... and a Cosmo!
 Am rushing off on a relaxed Sunday morning. Jury duty at MAMI. What a fabulous Film Festival! As Shyam Benegal said to me on the opening night , "This is the closest any Festival has ever got to Cannes, just in terms of the selection of films." I'll be watching L'Amour. More on that later. But I also have the Durga Badi to go to.... Shuvo Pujo, all!
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This appeared in Asian Age yesterday...

                       Blood on the dance floor….?

Our Law (less) Minister, Salman Khurshid must have eaten something really vile earlier this week for him to have made those atrocious remarks against Arvind Kejriwal. A swift qualification here : I am no fan of the self-righteous and embarrassingly naïve Kejriwal. Even so. Indigestion can play havoc with ones better sense. Heaven knows what had been fed to the Ministersaab. Aurally and orally. We are guessing it was most unpalatable, or else he would have kept his cool in the presence of Youth Congress members, while daring his nemesis ( the same Kejriwal) to come to Farroukhabad…. and get back alive! I cannot recall another such incident when  a Union Minister has blatantly issued an open threat to an individual who has dared to accuse him of corruption. “ I have been made the Law Minister and asked to work with the pen. I will work with the pen but also with blood,” Khurshid thundered, much to the utter astonishment of his audience. Let’s deconstruct that preposterous remark. Was it really a veiled threat to murder Kejriwal? I think not. When a murder is being plotted, it isn’t announced in advance. So, let’s not get  melodramatic here. What really happened? Here’s a possible scenario: Salman Khurshid lost his cool, lost his shirt, lost control. And revealed his true colours! Perhaps, inside that smooth, suave exterior, there was always a ‘mafia don’( not my words) lurking just beneath the carefully cultivated surface. Suddenly, that glossy veneer has gone phut. The man stands exposed , using the ‘language of a common criminal’ ( quote-unquote, a spokesperson for India Against Corruption). Khurshid made it worse by bleating, “ I have been misquoted…”  further compounding the original boo boo and sounding alarmingly like a miffed Bollywood starlet. Come on, Salman.  Stand up…. own up.  It’s on camera. Be a man. It can happen to anyone. Particularly, a cornered chap. And let’s face it, you are cornered. Whether it is 70 lakhs, 70 crores or 7000 crores ka gunha hardly matters.  The point is, certain serious charges have been leveled against you… what those charges have done is to draw public attention to your NGO’s functioning. Once a can of worms gets pried open, it’s pretty difficult to reseal it or seal the mouths of detractors.

If the charges are followed up by Kejriwal and team in Farrukhabad, and the charges stick, then sorry buddy, the party’s over for you and Louise. If matters get buried and some other scandal raises its ugly head ( Bigger! Juicier!), one thing will still remain : your unmasked persona. For years and years, you have traded on a cleverly built up image of great refinement and intellect, designed to separate you from the unwashed, uncouth rabble rousers in politics. Your accent, your mannerisms, your choice of words! Wow! Even I was fooled. Well , all it takes these days is one unfortunate slip. Just one. And you, Sir, our hallowed Law Minister, made it.

Now what? Kejriwal and company are going to town with the story. It is being projected as a ‘murder threat’ ( calm down, you guys!). Arvind’s  quotes, (“ My death is in God’s hands, not in Salman Khurshid’s ”) are being shrewdly played up. Kejriwal’s very vocal supporters are simultaneously going flat out to milk Khurshid’s aggressive  remarks…. and presswallas are lovin’ it! Kejriwal’s filmi- ishstyle dialogues (“ Killing me won’t help… if one Arvind is killed, there will be another 100 Arvinds”) are also being lapped up and played out over and over again. In all this dramabaazi, other targets of the IAC , like Nitin Gadkari and Ajit Pawar, are waiting for the hungama to subside. Meanwhile, Sushma Swaraj is straining her larynx, issuing spirited denials on heavyweight Gadkari’s behalf. The person who has shot into the national limelight virtually overnight is Anjali Damania, Kejriwal’s able colleague  (never mind that she herself is facing  some land issues). To add to the khichdi, ex-cop Y.P.Singh has  thrown his topi into the ring and is asking Kejriwal a few tough questions relating to Sharad Pawar and Lavasa. That makes it two tagda heavyweights ( Gadkari and Pawar)  to deal with.  The thing is, with so much dirt flying around, can the Mango People handle it? Will we even remember what this was all about, same time, next week? Can any of these grim charges stick? What about a meticulous follow-up? Kejriwal is no politician.  Undoubtedly, the  more seasoned players will find a way to wiggle out of  this unholy mess, leaving him at the gate post, looking small and foolish. It takes much more than audacious accusations hurled against the high and mighty to bring about a moral revolution. Arvind is seen as a wet-behind-the-ears  bachcha trying hard to play with the big boys. Forget Elections 2014. One wonders whether his people’s party will survive the year. Sad. But sach ka samaana sab ko karna padta hai. Arvindji ko bhi…

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Sethji's cover blown....

So, now you know.... Sethji is NOT Nitin Gadkari.... sorry about that !
This is the jacket of my new book,Blogdosts..... REACTIONS, please!
I think it is pretty strong - like the book.
I have decided to skip the standard book launch event ( been there, done that 17 times over). Instead , it will be a digital launch on 1st November. But ( hint! hint!), if there's anybody out there who'd like to throw a 'Sethji' party  for me - virtual or otherwise - I'm right there! The champagne's on me...
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                                         Mubarak Ho!

So finally our Bebo has become a Begum, with a handsome Nawab to call her own. And yet another Bollywood romance has got a  fairytale  ending. Not even the most talented script writer churning out hit after hit could have improved on this magical plot that started at a film shoot in the mountains and has ended in a historic palace in Pataudi. But then, Kareena Kapoor has always been a princess, and insisted on being treated like one right from the time she made her movie debut. Even in ‘Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham’, Bebo played Princess Poo – a role that in many ways stamped her for life! Once she was launched in right royal style by Karan Johar, she has never had to look back. Kareena has led a charmed life all right. And it seems only appropriate today that she glides seamlessly into her latest role as a bona fide titled lady, surrounded by all the frills that go with her brand new status. Not unlike her mother-in-law, Sharmila Tagore, who evolved into Ayesha Begum with enormous grace, without ever giving up the quintessential Rinku within her. The similarities don’t end there.  Kareena too will be a full time working Begum, managing her duties as the custodian of the  Pataudi legacy, while deftly juggling her crowded movie calendar. She is after all, the new age Begum.  A capable career woman and caring wife to an equally busy Nawab saab. This is one 21^st century shaadi that will be fascinating to follow. Mubarak ho!

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I was seriously alarmed after sitting through an appalling film starring another Bollywood ki Rani – yes, the Mukherjee herself.What made this incredibly versatile actress pick this dud? Wasn’t she advised? What is a powerful boyfriend/ fiancée/ mentor/ best friend ( note: I have not called him ‘husband’) for?Not only was the subject downright kinky ( a woman obsessed with a strange man’s body odour), it was disgustingly crude. Poor Southie star Prithiviraj ( visibly cringing through this non-role), was made to fill petrol into a two wheeler’s tank, holding the nozzle near his crotch and waiting for the tank to overflow and spurt Rani’s face. It can’t get any cruder! The choreography  was even worse with Prithvi hitching up his lungi and creating a huge bulge that he suggestively kept thrusting at Rani . Why does someone in Rani Mukherjee’s exalted position need to cheapen herself like this and put up with the most disgusting dance moves one has ever seen during item numbers. Gross!

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MAMI moves to SOBO! Finally, those of us who missed out on great movie screenings for over a decade because of the daunting distance to the suburbs, will be able to feast on fabulous films at our favourite neighbourhood multiplex. What a blessing! Take a bow, Shyam Benegal and the entire MAMI team.

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Who the hell is Sethji....?

This picture was clicked earlier today at Terminal 3, Delhi Airport.
But who the hell is Sethji? And what sort of gyaan is he doling out?
These girls couldn't possibly be waiting for Salman Khursheed? I don't see any blood on the floor!
I called my Capital contacts to find out more. I was told,  ''Áll will be revealed tomorrow...''
 Theek hai....
Watch this space, Blogdosts...

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"Tonite's gonna be a good night...""

This appears in the latest edition of Conde Nast Traveller.

                         “ Tonite’s gonna be a good nite....I can feel it”

 “Tonite’s gonna be a good night....” Promise? I heard a group called “Five Chicks and a Dude’ were up next. And I promptly held my breath .It was our first night on board the  16-year-old, 70,000 tons  heavy, Grand Old Lady ‘Splendour of the Seas’’, and  a full- on Karaoke session was in progress. Our majestic if slightly run down cruise liner had sailed out of the calm waters surrounding Venice a few hours earlier and was heading towards the small Italian port of Bari. The old fashioned (red velvet, Art Deco chandeliers) Cocktail Lounge- cum- theatre, aptly called ‘Top Hat’ was filling up slowly. Enzo, the alarmingly energetic crew member, was urging people to sign up. The bar tender was busy mixing lethal cocktails and the mood was expectant.  First time  cruisers were easy enough to spot. They were the people wearing far too many clothes and street shoes. Some were fastidiously attired in what is loosely termed  ‘cruise gear’ by  fashion designers. Our gang of three ( my daughters Arundhati and Anandita, plus moi) being veterans, knew better! Smug in our flip flops and mu-mus – we’d mastered the drill. And had figured it was okay to be really casually dressed on the first night, yes, even for the lavish four course dinner in the main dining area, which, on this Royal Caribbean liner, was quaintly called ‘The King and I’( never did discover why, considering there wasn’t any real connection to either the musical or the cuisine from old Siam). No matter... we were all set to get into the swing of things with 1800 other passengers enjoying an Adriatic voyage which would touch three Greek ports ( Athens, Corfu and Mykonos) before a short halt ( much too short!) in the historic town of  Dubrovnik in Croatia, and the long  sail back  to Venice.As on earlier trips, this one had also started on a high note. There’s no better ice breaker for so many strangers in the night, than enthusiastic bathroom singers belting out their favourite songs ( off-key, of course) for an audience of  ummm...  non-believers? Sure enough, the hooting started as the ‘Five Chicks...” ( the ‘Dude’was a gangly , awkward teen whose voice had yet to crack) finished  murdering the popular Club track (“Tonite’s gonna be a good nite...”). Oh-Oh. So, this was going to be that sort of  a cruise! What fun. We’d been on earlier cruises where the average age had coasted around 70 and everybody had been disappointingly well-mannered. We’d obviously lucked out on this one, with several young, energetic and good looking shipmates. For me, as a mother, I could have wept with gratitude to note that. At least the girls would not roll their eyes  accusingly each time theirs met mine over the breakfast table and groan, “”Why aren’t there any people of our age on this ship?”Not only were there enough passengers from their age group, but the crew was delightfully young and incredibly talented, especially the Croats in charge of keeping everybody engaged and upbeat on board. What do you know, one of these chaps was dubbed ‘Happy’ thanks to his cheerful salutation ‘Happy, Happy,Happy!” as he went from deck to deck performing a wide assortment of roles, switching wigs and costumes on what appeared to be an hourly basis.

 Since we have been called ‘Serial cruisers’ by envious friends, we went on this one pretty well prepared.For one, we had seriously pruned our wardrobe out of sheer necessity.It is important to remember that even if one occupies a Stateroom with a balcony attached (this is key, and don’t settle for a cabin with just port holes), space is at a serious premium. The bathroom is functional but no bigger than a cubicle. The bedroom isn’t much larger either, and there is just no space for bulky suitcases, unless you park them in the balcony. Less is more and how wonderful is that realization when all you really need are three or four super hot swimsuits, a couple of sarongs, four flirty cocktail outfits, one pair of killer heels, a funky collection of  look-at-me accessories besides.... how can I forget -  sherbet eyes! Of course, these tips are meant for the ladies. But, hey, nothing stops you guys from experimenting!  Especially since most nights on a cruise  are themed and you’d better work that toga as Enzo and DJ Ved urge the crowd to ‘Show me that body...” and get grooving by the pool.

The key to make the most of your cruise vacation is to fall in love on the ship ( it happened with one of my daughters in the Caribbean, it almost happened with another one this time!). Moms may need to go into vigilante mode ( pack your Spidey mask, just in case) since there is  a chapel on the ship and the captain is authorised to marry consenting adults ( too many Cosmos at the Schooner Bar is a poor excuse). You are also warned about recreating the Titanic moment on your own. On ‘Splendour....”it was possible to bid for just such a photo-op (supervised and safe). Guess who won? Not a deliriously in love honeymoon couple but a Tam- Brahm jodi from Mumbai celebrating their 25^thWedding Anniversary! The enthusiastic gentleman also participated in the Elvis Presley competition, an undertaking that involved aggressive pelvic thrusts and wild moves to “Ýou ain’t nothing but a hound dog...” Well, if you’re gasping, wait till you hear about the ‘Sexiest Man in the World’contest by the  pool, judged by five curvaceous bikini clad passengers.Who bagged this ridiculous title? Not our Tam Brahm, not even one of the pumped up Spaniards, or the buff American stud, but a sporting grandpa who had gamely stripped and shaken his booty to that old favourite, “I’m too sexy for my body...”’

The other trick to have the best time on a cruise is to sign up for shore excursions and as many on board activities as your energy levels can accommodate. I’m not into rock climbing, putting on an 18-hole mini golf course, playing  table tennis, or gymming. But both Arundhati and Anandita started off their days with a jog around the track on the 11^thdeck, and a complete work out at the Gym on the 10^th. All that activity made them feel less guilty while attacking the breakfast buffet, which is extensive and varied. They made up for their guilt pangs (come on, if you can’t wallop a few waffles on a vacation, what’s the point of the vacation?) by opting for healthier options at lunch, ordering fresh salads at the cafe next to the Spa. As for me, I ate and drank recklessly ( I  mean, there are 10 inviting  bars and lounges for  the desperate and the thirsty), didn’t enter the gym but indulged myself at the calming salon. Getting a blow dry while resting ones eyes on the azure Ionian sea shimmering tantalisingly through floor- to- wall glass panes, was quite an experience.Another, equally pleasurable first was taking a Salsa and Cha cha cha class, conducted by expert ballroom dancers ( part of the Royal Caribbean Entertainment Troupe). The Filipino band playing nightly at the Centrum had wisely figured only those belonging to a certain vintage ( mine!) would want to shake a leg, pre- and post- dinner. I ignored the glares of my daughters and bullied them into partnering me as we swung to ‘Sway’and other oldie-goldie hits. Gosh! Does nobody jive anymore?

Well, our waiters and servers certainly did! Jive ... and sing, as a part of the very endearing ritual during which they temporarily abandon their service stations to croon and dance for diners. ‘Ó sole Mio’ remains an old favourite,  and sentimental diners are often seen wiping tears as their favourite waiters bid them goodbye on the last night of the cruise. Ours was named Austin.He is a good Goan lad, and had been sailing for seven years. There were several Indian waiters on the ship ( “The Mazgaon Gang”), which was terrific in a way – they made sure we were exceedingly well looked after, frequently serving us choice bon bons as special treats. Did these boys miss home? Yes, they all chorused. But the money was good. And even if there were no Sundays or days off, they enjoyed their work. And hard work it is! As Gregorios (from Nicaragua) , our State Room attendant told us, “We feel sad on Saturday morning to see everybody leaving.” He looked like he meant it. A certain fuzzy relationship does get established with these dedicated men and women who are on call 24x7, and keep the place sparklingly clean. Some of them are expert towel sculptors, and one looks forward to staggering back after a late night at the disco or watching the Euro Cup Semi Finals on a gigantic screen by the pool, to find an elephant or monkey ingeniously crafted out of  towels, parked on the bed (“Am I really that shattered or is that really a gorilla swinging in my room?). It is these little touches that enhance the experience.

It is said a family that cruises together, stays together. It is a theory I have ardently subscribed to . Ensuring passengers never forget their cruise , there are daily photography sessions in the evenings, which encourage two and sometimes three generations to pose for a highly competent set of professional photographers who set up temporary studios at different locations on the ship. For most people, it is the very first time in their lives they are being photographed in formal settings. The results are superb – and there is no obligation to buy the prints which are displayed within a few hours. But ( and I have frequently succumbed!) the temptation to buy at least half-a-dozen great shots that freeze the exuberant moments on board, is too hard to resist. Equally hard, is to stay away from the  6,500 square feet, Las Vegas style Casino Royale, especially if you enjoy your Blackjack or Roulette.Since our family’s combined vices are of a different kind, we preferred to check out the nightly shopping in the Arcade, which features interesting sales, depending on the port of call earlier in the day. I was on the verge of buying traditional Athenian gold jewellery ( stunning!), when Arundhati determinedly dragged me away with a reminder that I would be missing the Jacqui Scott show. Jacqui, a former Broadway / Westend singer  brought the house down in the main theatre with her rendition of ‘Évita’’... and, thanks to my daughter’s timely intervention, I saved a lot of money! That night, high on the music and wine, we dined at ‘’Izumi’ the speciality restaurant ( Pan-Asian) on the 11^thdeck, right next to the Crown and Anchor nightclub where the dishy DJ Ved was spinning great tracks. Blame it on the Sake, but emboldened and in the mood, I mentioned to Ved that Anandita had trained as a DJ herself. He immediately set it up for her to make a playlist and do her DJ thing! It was a thrilling moment when Ved announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, DJ Ana from India is in the house....” That’s when I concluded, it is not just the great food, not just the cocktails, not just the comfy beds ( so comfy, you can order them online) and not even the many adventures during shore excursions that make a cruise holiday memorable. It is really the smiles, warmth and exceptional service that do the trick. It is also the personality of the Captain. Ours was a darling, and when he jauntily declared he was  ‘írreplaceable”                                                    

 -  nobody disagreed! Especially after he expertly navigated this _ tonne liner through head winds hitting 60 knots, and made it safely to Mykonos. Ours was the only cruise ship to dock at this top-rated destination  (Psarou Beach! Nammos!!) in three days – all the other Captains sailing on the same troubled waters, had chickened out, citing hazardous weather conditions.

Cruise holidays are better than superglue when it comes to family bonding. Yes, we fought. Lots! Me and my girls. We argued, cried, sulked and made up. We also chatted and laughed more than  our ghastly Mumbai avatars allow us to. Sifting through the countless shots we took , there are magical moments that I’m sure we will relive years from now while exclaiming, “ God! Wasn’t that holiday amazing?When are we booking our next cruise?” 

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Off Season Mango People...Rahul writes to Robert!

Okay guys. Much too much is going on in my life. These images have been shot at the Kasauli Lit Fest by Sanjeev Sharma, the very talented press photographer who works for  Hindustan Times. It was a lovely Lit Fest - warm, intimate and driven by books, not wannabes. The people of Kasauli threw open their hearts and homes for visiting writers. By far, the star of this Lit Fest was Salima Hashmi, the scholarly, artistic daughter of the legendary poet Faiz Ahmed Faiz. Her session titled 'Many Partitions, Many Legacies' inspired the crowd enough to give her a standing ovation. I enjoyed my own session greatly, even though there were hiccups galore since the great man ( Khushwant Singh) himself was missing.At 98, he is too frail to travel up to his Raj Villa in Kasauli. Despite that, I can gleefully report that every single copy of my books was sold. That should explain the Chesire cat grin on my face during the signing session.Hats off to the King of Kasauli (as Brigadier Ananth Narayan is popularly called) and Ashok Chopra. These two amazing men, along with Niloufer Billimoria, managed to make a huge success out of a modest Lit Fest and with limited resources. 

And what did I manage with my limited time in Kasauli? A splendid two hours in the bazaar - Upper and Lower Mall. More on that tomorrow....

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This appeared in Sunday Times yesterday....

                                

Dear Jijaji,

                Bro, you really should have checked with me before deleting your facebook page. Why react to what some foolish people are saying about you? About us?So what if you lost your cool? It’s a pretty uncool thing to do.But it happens, Bro. My issue is simple. Some random guy called Kejriwal makes some random charges against you. Why react? Ignore the guy, Bro. That is what Mummyji always says. If you ignore these pests long enough, nothing happens. People forget. And what is this rando talking about in any case? It sounds like a joke! Anybody in India can make 300 crores today. Overnight, at that. And let’s not forget you had 50 lakhs to start with. Never mind where those came from. These are such minor details. Business is in your blood, Bro. The best investment you ever made was when you married my sis! J-o-k-i-n-g! It was a master stroke, Bro. Let’s face it, from zero family to first family is a major leg up for any lucky guy. After that… it was non-stop Diwali. These randoms don’t get it. Business opportunities don’t come every day. Mummyji keeps saying that. If you used your dimaag and contacts to invest in hotels, real estate, malls, housing societies… vaghera vaghera….good for you. My sis has simple tastes… but life is expensive these days. What are family friends like our DLF buddies for if they can’t help a young, newly married couple?

Jijaji, people are making all sorts of nasty jokes about your  DLF deals. And that Kejriwal is maligning the whole family. Naturally Mummyji is upset. But don’t worry, Bro. I’ll handle Mummyji. She has full faith in me. And we have P.C. to deal with the press . Why worry? He is so smart, he even refuses to utter Kejriwal’s name! I like the way he calls him a ‘private individual’. Puts him in his place,  nicely. We should all learn from PC how to handle scandal. Even Lallu bhaiya has stepped in to defend us. So sweet. He is talking about ‘character assassination’. Imagine! Bro, it takes guts for Lallu to talk about character assassination. Mummyji will show her appreciation to all these people soon. Mummyji is known for that. But for now, you should just stay out of the public eye. I know that’s really tough Bro. What with the Fashion Week. Who will occupy the front row seat that is permanently reserved for you? I don’t mind filling in… but I don’t have your hot bod, Bro. Talking of  which,  why not spend the next few months pumping up?You’re gonna need heavy duty muscle power. Keep gymming, Bro. It may turn out to be a tough fight, with more and more embarrassing papers turning up. You will need to be a sturdy India Bull before locking horns with these types.

Thank God our Mango People are really very forgiving. Look at all that they have forgiven over the years! Loot maar and major scams. Mummyji always says, “Good thing we live in India. Anywhere else in the world….” Mummyji is so clever,Bro. I wish I was half as smart. My sis is pretty clever, too. We should listen to the women in our family. They don’t tweet and get all of us into trouble. Maybe you can deal with the negativity, as you said. When all hell broke loose, I told Mummyji to book my ticket to London. I can’t handle such stuff. But Mummyji said not to worry – PC will handle it.

Seriously, Dude… you could have named any other fruit… there are so many to choose from. But you had to pick a banana! Why, Bro, why? Even I felt it was not fair to call the country a Kela Kingdom. Come on, Bro. We are not a Banana Republic.I mean, not officially. Mummyji was stumped. Look at what you’ve done, Bro. Mummyji has stopped keeping bananas on the breakfast table… and I am not getting my daily potassium fix. My muesli doesn’t taste the same, either. You could have mentioned Chikoo Republic, Kaddu Republic,Santra Republic. But you had to pick Kela. And where was the need to mention Mango People, that too, in such a sarcastic way?Now, the whole world is referring to India’s Mango People. And  poor Mummyji is finding it very difficult to handle all that criticism. We have to think about Mummyji’s health. She has her own issues to deal with, and she really doesn’t need to be given grief by her family. That’s it from me, Jijaji. Fingers crossed there won’t be more stuff flying around about 2G. And some other ‘G’. Ooops. Even though your surname isn’t Gandhi… see how those Mango People have dragged us into it? And Bro, ever wondered why all Bollywood villains were named Raaabert in the ‘seventies?Actually, India is worse than a Banana Republic.Had we really been one, Kejriwal would not have stood a chance. Gotta run,Bro.It’s Mummyji calling…Affectionately,

                        Rahul    

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