Art.... and the woman!

I just love the architecture of this book display in Chennai!
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This appeared in The Week...

                                         Art and the woman…

I met a fascinating European lady at a friend’s home recently. As we got talking ( after I had taken in her carelessly sophisticated and very arty appearance), I was delighted to discover her true calling in life – she is an art student at fifty plus! You might say there are thousands like her. Main, non! This fiery and fabulous lady of a certain vintage ( I am guessing she is closer to fifty than forty) has made India her home for the past seven years. And is in no hurry to get back to the country of her birth.Since she is married to a successful businessman ( also European) , and they have three grown up children, the former art student lurking within her, pushed her to explore possibilities to work towards a Master’s degree in Mumbai. She decided to enroll as a student at one of  Mumbai’s oldest and most prestigious art schools. This is where the fun starts. She was told it was “impossible” since the school did not accept foreigners. She argued her case with the dean asking him why she should be discriminated against and debarred when so many Indian students routinely attend art schools in Europe! Her point was well taken… and voila!She was in! Trouble was all the other students were much, much younger… and they weren’t in a hurry to make friends with a foreign woman , old enough to be their mom! It started with resentment and hostility since they believed she had deprived a local youngster of a seat. Then came a turning point. She had observed the many subtle and not so subtle ways through which teachers were targeting certain students, especially girls. And she decided to speak up. The authorities were red faced when she pointed out several irregularities and inconsistencies towards those being victimized and asked to stand outside the classrooms like they were errant school kids. After a thundering lecture from her on human dignity and the rights of students,  the teachers backed off. And the students cheered! But that still did not mean she was accepted.  She had to jump over countless cultural barricades and bridge the language gap first. Eventually, and after excelling in the final exams, she managed to make friends!

 Interestingly enough, her experience back home was not all that different! Once she got her Master’s degree from Mumbai, she started attending specific art courses at an art school in her old city. Same story. She laughs, “ If anything, it was a little worse, since the students were far more direct , blunt and un- diplomatic. They told me “you are too old to be in art school and you are a woman! Why do you want to take art classes?” The implication being, “Why don’t you stay home and look after your husband and kids and leave art to the young ”. Did she not feel offended? Not at all, she grinned. She had anticipated a shutting of doors and had decided her passion for art superseded all such reservations. She loves what she does and understands why her decision to pursue art must seem puzzling to those half her age. But that doesn’t deter her in the least. She recalls her own father’s lack of support when she had expressed a desire to join art school as a young girl. He had refused to support her decision way back then, leaving her filled with resentment and longing. Today, she is in a position to follow her heart and enjoys the full support of her family. As to why she picked the art school in Mumbai to do her Master’s degree, her explanation was still more interesting.  She said art is still taught in the classical way in India, using live models and a traditional approach. It is difficult to find that in Europe these days. Art schools cannot afford to pay models and the methods are a bit too futuristic for her taste!

The good part of her pioneering effort at the Mumbai art school is that it has led to a change in the admissions’ policy. Today, there are over fifteen foreigners studying at the institute. And the bureaucratic atmosphere there is sufficiently relaxed to allow a far more liberal, relaxed and modern atmosphere throughout the campus. She remembers her early days there when students would want to bum ciggies off her and would ask naïve questions about the permissiveness of the West.Today, she is a part of the fraternity, she belongs to the art community in Mumbai and is totally immersed in what she loves – her own artistic journey that refuses to recognize borders, gender, biases, age. And to think she had to travel to Mumbai for that! Lovely!

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The 'Pee'' in politics.... and Feku Vs.Bachchoo

Another Passionate Indian....image shot at the auction, in front of a gorgeous Manjit Bawa carpet....
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This appeared in Sunday Times....

                           The ‘Pee’ in politics…and Feku Vs. Bachchoo

 To pee or not to pee….was never the question. Pee and be damned, said Ajit Pawar.We as Indians seem to be obsessed by two key bodily functions – urination and defecation. It may have something to do with the alarming lack of loos in India. But peeing and crapping in public have acquired so much importance of late that even our mighty ministers have thrown themselves into the problem… and come up with a few innovative solutions. Severe drought in Maharashtra? Worry not, Shetkari bandhus! There’s help at hand. Our dynamic Deputy Chief Minister, Ajit Pawar, is seeking approval from his constituency to enroll volunteers ready to urinate into dry dams. Empty your bladders, brethren, could well be the rallying cry across arid Maharashtra before the long, hot summer sets in. The water meant for irrigation was diverted years ago to keep the more lucrative construction lobby in business. Now that a crisis of frightening proportions is upon us, it is time for action! Peeing is believing, Shri Pawar would have us think. Yes, he has apologized. And yes, he still has his job. But one shudders to imagine what his next suggestion could be when we deal with a fertilizer crisis, for example. Will he recommend providing natural manure by persuading thousands of sympathetic supporters to use those barren fields for their morning business?

If there’s one thing our netas don’t lack, it’s their ability to get to the bottom of the problem. Any problem. Look at how brilliantly NaMo got directly to the ma-behen level?Women of India should be grateful that the man who is being projected as the Big Saffron Hope for Elections 2014, is so in touch with his feminine side. By channeling the inner woman in him, NaMo may have impressed the well heeled FICCI  ladies.At least those who understand  the power of pappadum politics. They now know they have a staunch ally in Gujarat’s Chief Minister, who is in tune with their secret ambition – which is to roll out the perfect papad and make the yummiest pickle. Perfectly happy to do both, NaMo. But wait a minute, did anybody ask the most famous daughter of Gujarat on Planet Earth ( Sunita Williams) what she felt about papads and pickles, as she space- walked her way into the records?

Then comes the slightly off key RaGa- saga, with the Dimpled Darling giving gyaan to corporate India. It was a sweet effort and most endearing. Especially the  beehive metaphor. The puzzling thing about all three public outpourings is the bizarre approach to sorting out the monumental problems confronting the country at present. One chap jokes about peeing into dams to resolve water issues of  a parched, broke State. And then goes on to make cheap sexual references to extra babies being born in the enforced darkness caused by frequent power cuts! Another talks down to wealthy women entrepreneurs and advises the lovely ladies to stick to traditional skills. While the third confesses to have ‘lost it’ while he shuffles papers and talks about the birds and bees. If this is the calibre of our leaders, it is time to hit those panic buttons. Let’s take a look at the miserable fare on the buffet table. Two unappetizing dishes. One veg, the other non-veg. Thepla Vs. Pizza. What if you don’t like either? Too bad. Is that how starved we are in a vast country of over a billion people? Would any paying customer settle for just two measly offerings on a banquet table? Why should we as citizens not demand more …like Oliver?More choice? More of a say? A richer menu?

Two men have been picked by their respective parties to lead the troops into battle next year. One is charismatic. The other, not.  Both have fiercely loyal admirers and fawning cheerleaders rooting for them.It’s a toss up between a Feku and  Bachhoo. But India is not a Bollywood blockbuster in which the fan base of the hero  can make or break a movie. This crucial election is not the desi box office which sees hits and flops every Friday. Star quality, lineage or even blinding charisma will not be enough to save India from further disintegration.We need world class governance and complete accountability  if anything’s going to change for the better.It is worth reminding ourselves that the man many scholars still regard as the best Prime Minister India has known, was a diminutive, far from magnetic and exceedingly modest gentleman called Lal Bahadur Shastri.

Sorry, Bhai. Sorry , Boss . We deserve better. Yeh dil maangey more....

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Passionately Indian...

Must be a first! Has to be a first! Thanks to Pam Chopra, the Surabhi Foundation managed a major coup when Shah Rukh Khan agreed to play auctioneer at the charity auction to raise funds for the Surabhi Living Heritage Centre, spearheaded by Siddharth Kak and his motivated team. It turned out to be a really special night, with SRK performing at his peak! He sang, danced, joked, even offered to strip, if bidders were willing to shell out more. It was most kind of him, considering he had rescheduled his chartered flight to make  it to the auction for a couple of hours, before jumping back on to leave on an extended outdoors shoot.e tag  We raised a decent amount of money. But the goodwill and awareness generated in one single evening have no price tag attached.
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This appeared in Mumbai Mirror...

                                  Why I feel sorry for mistresses….

Let’s face it, which woman would want to be a mistress when she could be a wife? Which is why I feel sorry for the ladies who long to attach a ‘Mrs’ tag to their names, but can’t. Then there’s the  sympathy factor extended to long suffering wives of straying husbands.Ummm. That’s another story. Especially if the wife turns out to be murderous. Like Ramesh Kumari,who hired a few thugs to bump off  her naughty  husband… all because of the ‘souten’. A bit extreme, to say the least. But then, politico Deepak Bhardwaj’s  life and death were extreme as well. His murder was much more than just another  5 crore supari job. Mr. Moneybags (estimated wealth: 3000 crores) had a  pretty complicated existence. His wife, Ramesh clearly wanted to uncomplicate it. There was a young mistress in the picture. And get this : Ramesh’s son Nitesh Kumar ( prime suspect), was sharing the woman’s sexual favours with his own dad. There was all that serious money at stake…serious grief was being given to Ramesh on several fronts. It was time for some action.She promptly talked her son into helping her. Nitesh did what any hot headed, idiotic, avaricious ass of a man would do – he fell into a neat trap. Now,Baljeet Sehrawat, the man who masterminded the gunning down of  Nitesh’s father, has named discarded wife Ramesh, as a co-conspirator. And Nitesh is under arrest. There goes his rocking sex life. And there goes the money! No mistress. No lolly. That’s how the dice rolls.

 It is the mistress in this sordid saga who intrigues me the most. The two men she was bedding ( father and son) , are both out of her life . Now what? Is the party really and truly over for her? I would say it may have just begun! Our society is very confused about how to deal with the ‘other woman’. Of course, that largely depends on who she is. And who keeps her. If the adventurous twosome are considered powerful and influential enough, the mistress’ dodgy status in the relationship is rarely questioned. People bitch behind her back. But then, people bitch. Period. If she’s smart, she rewrites the rules. She refuses to hide in corners or act apologetic. Once she decides to brazen  it out, society hastily backs off. Acceptance follows. They become an unofficial ‘couple’ and everybody moves on. But God help her if she decides to play coy or lie. She is instant dead meat.Ostracized, isolated and despised . She is left with very few choices... or friends.One choice is to care a damn and carry on with the affair. The other is to stay below the social radar.

What do such women do?There really should be a guide book for mistresses, given the growing numbers. Here are a few options: Do not antagonize the wife and kids still further by rubbing their faces into the relationship. Be polite to the family at all times. Discretion is not a bad word – use it. Don’t trash the wife or the children…remember, they are the ones at the receiving end. Don’t embarrass yourself or your boyfriend by showing up uninvited anywhere. Follow a few , simple ground rules -  stop harrowing others to resolve your personal problems.  Don’t ask mutual friends to take sides. Never explain and never complain! As for wives who decide they’d rather hang on to the surname and money -  enjoy both, and to hell with love-shove and similar nonsense. Mistresses also have to come to terms with a few inconveniences (mainly, disrupted travel plans, messy credit card issues). Whatever works.

Clearly, the Bhardwaj family was unaware of  this protocol. They opted for a short cut. Unfortunately, the short cut in turn short circuited their elaborate plans. It was nothing but greed that did them in. But what about the mistress? Is she in shock? Will she mourn the death of Bhardwaj? Could she be worried about her own life? Chances are she’s hard at work to find a new patron. If she is young, hot and skilled,she will land the desired candidate quickly. here are any number of  Deepaks and Niteshes floating around. A gal’s got to take her chances when she can. And her chance is right now. What is life without a risk or two? Even if that involves murder! Whoever said a mistress’ life is easy? 

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Here we are in Chennai, right after the Madras Book Club function, which was held in the historic Taj Connemara Hotel.

We stayed at the magnificent ITC Grand Chola.... more a township than a hotel, with 600 rooms! What a scale! And what a memorable experience.... luxury at every step. And a charming lady butler called Aleno who is from Nagaland, and looked after me like a loving daughter....

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This appeared in Asian Age / Deccan Chronicle....

                                  How to milk notoriety….

 It must be said : we live in extraordinary times. Notoriety can be worn as a badge of honour and comes with several juicy perks. Now even our poster boy for Olympic glory is in trouble. Boxer Vijender Singh is not going to find it all that hard to convince his fans that he is being persecuted and framed by rivals hell bent on finishing off his career. Assuming the Punjab police, with their abominable track record are venomously plotting against the pugilist, the question to ask is just this: did he or didn’t he experiment with drugs? Forget the answer. The truth is nobody gives a flying f***. It is exactly this aspect of instant-notoriety that is fascinating to monitor. The public today is more than ready to overlook ethical/moral/legal issues when the personality involved is deemed ‘hot’. Hot, from the standpoint of media, that is. Vijender’s example is a case in point. With his movie star good looks and lofty aspirations, this young man had it all – fame, money, glory and an amazing future. As of now, he seems to have blown it. But has he really??? Is there no way he can cash in on his current ‘Bad Boy’ status to appeal to the wild side of Young India? The argument goes something like this : Which  ambitious young kid in India doesn’t want to be rich, influential… and cool? If that involves running with a wild bunch … hey …that’s also pretty cool!  If the wild bunch is doing heroin… oh well…drugs happen. If these men buy their s**t from dangerous dealers with criminal records, ooooh… that’s how big boys play. Living life on the edge is the only way to live… to impress the chicks… to enjoy…. to become a hero. Chances are most young people will be feeling really, really sorry for the fallen boxer. Not for what he has done to himself, but for getting caught.

There was a brilliant piece written by columnist Rick Reilly for ESPN.com, on Tiger Woods and his remarkable comeback ( number one, again). The article was triggered off by an insolent social media Nike ad featuring Woods which gloated , “ Winning takes care of everything.” Tiger’s back in the game and he wants the world to know it. His sponsors want the world to know it , too. There’s enough money riding on Tiger Woods for everybody to turn a blind eye to Tiger’s disgraceful past and the sordid sex scandal that nearly finished him off in 2009. Does anybody today remember or care what that was about? Naaah! Woods with his foul temper and an equally foul mouth is back on the circuit with cheering fans and fawning groupies applauding his every swing.  What’s  the bet the exact same thing will happen to Vijender once this heroin, drug testing  nonsense is behind him. We have come a long, long way from the days when we used to ‘tch,tch’ over issues of this kind. Remember  the Fardeen Khan episode and the outrage it generated? Today’s scenario is totally transformed. The drug sub-culture has been glamourised and legitimized by those who exert a tremendous influence over impressionable young people – the fashion fraternity and Bollywood. Nobody is shocked anymore when stories about the rampant use of drugs at high profile society parties gets talked about. Nobody blinks when the names of prominent Bollywood stars are mentioned in the context of coked-out evenings and substance abuse. Recreational drugs are viewed as exactly that – recreational.

The support for stars dealing with far more serious criminal issues ( Sanjay Dutt, Salman Khan), is still more puzzling. And begs the question – is it cool to be charged with the possession of illegal arms, to be convicted? Is it cool to be accused of killing black bucks and running over sleeping pavement dwellers? It certainly appears that way. Both these Bollywood hunks have tried (and succeeded) in giving their old notoriety a fresh spin. Salman flogs his ‘Being Human’ brand without the slightest sense of  irony. While Sanjay bats for various charitable causes and has tried standing for elections as a people’s representative! There are top class professionals working  hard to change public perceptions about people like these ‘badnaam’ guys. The strategy is pretty simple. In a world that worships success, nothing else matters.Both these men are consistently projected as ‘super successful’ actors. Baat khatam! I was at a brain storming session for a charity event recently, when the name of Sanjay Dutt as chief guest suddenly cropped up. The reactions to such a preposterous suggestion were mixed. The cynic in me saw it as a master stroke that would get an avalanche of media attention. It was agreed by all that no other star would generate as much publicity right now, nor attract as much comment. But was that a good thing or bad? Counter productive or win-win? Would it help or harm the cause? Our table was divided on this one. Yes, Sanjay Dutt’s  presence would definitely ensure a record number of mediawallas. Yes, the coverage would be humungous. Yes, the event would provide a huge and credible platform to Dutt to say his piece. But – hello! – what about other ethical issues?Or didn’t those count?  It was agreed we needed to sleep over it. The next morning, we took an informal vote and sensibly dropped the idea. But even the fact that we had spent a considerable amount of time thinking about such an option, is alarming!

What’s the bet Vijender Singh will emerge from the current crisis, unscathed and fighting fit? He really doesn’t need to worry about hanging up those gloves in a hurry. The ones who have been kayoed in this round are the people of India.

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What's age got to do with it???

                              Beautiful family portrait .... I fell in love with the baby... she had the softest, prettiest hands! And that's us at the Opera in Monte Carlo.....

Am off to Chennai tomorrow. 

Back in this space on Tuesday....you can safely lie that you missed me!

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    This appeared in the Mumbai Mirror....

   What’s age got to do with it….?

Take Tina Turner. Ageless. I was thinking of  her and other amazing ladies closer to home. Asha Bhonsle, for example. Ageless, again. Both are class acts. Still hitting those high notes, personally and professionally. Tina has her great legs and trendy wigs.Asha, her girlish smile and diamond brooches . It isn’t about just the voice. Or even an awesome stage presence (formidable!). It is about attitude and genuine sex appeal. Last week, over a long and nostalgia-driven, wine- fuelled dinner in Alibag, my girl friend and I were discussing a touchy topic -  age and the issues surrounding it. We talked about botox, ceramic teeth, hair extensions, boob jobs, face lifts and assorted ‘problems’ women of a certain vintage are wasting their time and pots of money on. Wasting!! Age is age. Accept it. The moment you start battling those lines and extra cellulite, all you are doing is making your favourite cosmetic surgeon richer. Eventually, everything collapses – the fixed up boobs, cheeks, eyes, smile, butt – everything. Then what?  My friend laughed as she recalled her own  mother’s crass and cruel comment when she was a teenager - “ You are rather ugly, my dear, but don’t worry, you have a lot of sex appeal. And sex appeal never fades, no matter what your age…” Today, my friend who is sixty plus can still rock that chiffon saree! She was born ‘hot’.

But not every woman is born either ‘hot’ or good looking. What happens then? Why, women turn invisible! Unless, of course they are public figures and former actresses like Waheeda Rehman. Ask any young person to name  a woman who has aged gracefully and chances are it will be Waheeda. It used to be Gayatri Devi till pretty recently. What do these two ladies have in common? Here’s a check list : Well- coiffed grey hair, beautiful sarees, barely any make up, modest, elbow length cholis, discreet pearls and ear tops, an innate sense of style combined with dignity, and of course the elegance and grace one associates with classic, God- given beauty. Beyond these obvious attributes, it is also their quiet acceptance of  time’s ravaging effects , that sets them apart. Neither of them ever tried to look younger. And that was/is their biggest USP. Society is less forgiving when it comes to women and age, especially when women refuse to go down without a fight. Every city has its parade of  older women who battle age with everything their means can command. Mumbai has its share of  high maintainence, over the hill prima donnas and divas, who continue to wear clothes so short and so tight, they often spend an entire evening unable to either sit down or exhale.There are also the desperate  Page 3 perennials whose sole objective in life is to get featured on society pages.  Even their dermatologists have given up on them. Poor ladies. And then they get it tight in the media when the fashion police attack them in those wonderfully witty columns. This is rather unfair. But who says life and fashion are fair?

When it comes to men, society watchers pick on poor Dev Anand who remained Peter Pan till the very end of his life. They point to Dilip Kumar and exclaim, “Look at him!” Sure. There is a moral in there. Lesson number one for all those forty-plus society swans in bandage dresses that barely cover their butts, is to ease up on the tarty-trampy look, at least while in India. That is, if they care about what people are saying in the first place. Lesson number two : stay out of the closets of  bratty teens and leave those Lady Gaga numbers to… err… Lady Gaga. Lesson number three: this is the really tough one – try smiling. In order to crack that smile, turn your back on botox. If you must colour your hair, keep it as close to your original hair colour as possible. Bottle blonds are so yesterday. As are those vampire-style coloured lenses….. flush them down fast! And if you find your face and body parts collapsing one by one, go into hiding for a few months.Keep your fingers crossed. Think about it : Would you rather be addressed as ‘Aunty’ at a traffic signal …. or called ‘Ms. Trampy’ behind your back?

As for me, I want to be Geetu Raheja. Smoking hot and  fabulously grey!

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can't be just the weather.... right???

Beautiful Alpine winter blooms at Wonderfall Chalet in Limone.... I saw them and my heart soared! Finally, a burst of colour....

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This appeared in The Week....

                            Is it just the weather…?

As women, we have our marvelously creative excuses for anything and everything. We need them! Women have always needed alibis, unlike men, who are born into privilege. No grudges on that front. But leave our hang ups and cover ups alone, you guys! I was thinking about all this during a long flight back from Europe recently. Around me were women with sad eyes and drawn faces. I had met quite a few during my short week there. The weather had been foul, for sure. But did the collective mood have to match it? I had watched well coiffed ladies, wearing fabulous jewels and clothes, as they walked in for a Gala night at the Opera, their floor length fur coats sweeping the carpet, while serious diamonds flashed on ear lobes, throats and fingers. But there wasn’t a smile in sight. And no colour! Those beautiful ladies were clad in  black. I wondered, when the atmosphere itself was this dull and grey, wouldn’t any person want to brighten it up a little with a pop of  bright colour? A vivid lipstick? Even a cheerful handbag? Clearly, not in this part of the world.

By contrast, here in India, we deal with gloom and doom more imaginatively. Holi is just over. Much as I dislike the Festival of Colour and never participate in the celebrations, I can appreciate the joyfulness behind the revelry. Women in different parts of our country, celebrate  Holi, adopting local customs that have endured over centuries. Essentially, it’s an exuberant way to greet Spring and pray that a bumper harvest follows in Summer. The colours used signify renewal and the eternal cycle of life. Revelers laugh and sing, even if their lives are not perfect. In Europe, most people, and women in particular, look permanently glum and in a perpetual state of mourning. Yes, the economy is doddering. And yes, there is no upswing in sight. But does that mean women can’t sport happier expressions or wear a cheerful scarf? I asked a less depressed European girl friend this question as we sipped  our coffees and stared at the steady downpour. She offered a perspective I found rather engaging. Women in Europe, she declared thoughtfully, had little to comfort them. They lived in a state of  relentless insecurity. Their biggest fear was that their boyfriends/ companions/ partners/ husbands would leave them. This was the overwhelming emotion that dominated all other emotions. Women still outnumbered men. Finding a good, responsible man was not easy. Money was tight. Men worked. Women worked. The future looked far from promising. What was there to smile about?  My girl friend laughed resignedly. I told her women in my part of the world have had it far tougher for centuries. But that hasn’t robbed us of our smiles and laughter. Our tears? Oh, those! We wipe them with our colourful dupattas and saree pallus… and soldier on. Just like generations of women before us. Don’t talk to us about discrimination at the workplace.In India,we struggle to be born! And once born, we are not sure whether we will be allowed to survive! Our daily lives require us to play multiple roles and assume many guises. We become acrobats and jugglers. Tight rope walkers and contortionists. Oh yes, we do!  Despite these daunting odds, we manage to grab life’s better moments. Raise happy kids. And , given  half the chance, raise the bar for ourselves. I invited her to visit India soon, before her own smile did the disappearing act. I wanted her to see our women and judge for herself. It really isn’t just about the weather, honey. Physical weather, that is. Often it is the storms that rage within, which affect women more insidiously. These storms are far more destructive than unseasonal blizzards. Women need to monitor the weather patterns of their inner lives more closely. Miss those signals, and you’re in trouble. By the time we finished our coffees, the rain had stopped and the sun was out. The Cote d’Azur lay at our feet, a shimmering sheet of blue and gold. We hugged each other. She touched the bright yellow and lime green scarf I had given her earlier. “Let me wear it,” she grinned, twisting it stylishly around her slim neck. Sad eyed women from adjoining tables stared at the two of us, as we said our goodbyes. The weather forecast was looking good. No need for alibis. At least for the next few days! What a relief….

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Three Ring Circus....

Don't you love this image? It has been shot by one of our most talented photographers, Shantanu Das. His exhibition titled Borders - Within/Without, starts on the 5th. This image is called Sailing in the clouds! I love it!

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This appeared in The Asian Age....

                                                Three Ring Circus

Surely, it can’t get any funnier! It’s a good thing Indians have a sense of humour or else by now we’d have gone through several bloody revolutions! We laugh at ourselves, we laugh at our leaders, we laugh at our fate. We laugh for no reason. This amazing ability to keep laughing saves us from going insane. But it also saves the big, fat butts of our leaders. This is when the joke ceases to be funny. We are at such a moment right now. The international community must be having the last laugh as we fumble and mumble our way through a script that would do Charlie Chaplin proud. We have messed up big time on virtually everything. Starting with the ludicrous Italian Job. Though, one also suspects there is more to this story than meets the eye. What appears to be a comedy of errors may well turn out to be a very deviously constructed script! Perhaps, the idea was to make it look like a series of goof ups. But the possibility that this approach was a part of a super smart strategy cannot be ruled out. Surprise! Surprise! The main players , those dishy Italian Marines, are back in India after they were assured their necks will be spared. Incredulous India watchers have monitored the pantomime over the past three weeks, and waited for a resolution to what could have turned into an unprecedented International diplomatic crisis. It is entirely possible that taking advantage of the general chaos prevailing in the country right now, some really sharp and astute players may have come up with the entire charade involving those naughty  Marines and their Ambassador. Check out the timing:  There is a brand new Pope at the Vatican. All eyes are on Rome and all things Italian. This includes our own very special and very personal connection to Italy. Who is to say what political arrangements were made to enable the Marines to first slip out of India and then to slip back in so easily? Who can tell whether the drama around the Ambassador  was not being stage managed at the highest level? Tricking and deceiving a trusting, gullible public comes easily to both  - Italians and Indians. In that sense, we have much in common. Corruption on a mega scale at every level, included. Like they say, there is a code of honour that binds the Mafia. Perhaps we too have forged a similar understanding with the Italian government… after all, there is a long and complicated history of other notorious Italians ( Ottavio Quattorocci) fleeing India after a scandal.And we are still waiting for OQ to do the honourable thing by coming back to India to face a trial. Ha! Joke!

Where have we not messed up? The brand new Chinese honcho ( President Xi Jinping) has shown us our place ( bottom of the heap) in unambiguous terms. Snub after snub has demonstrated where we stand in his scheme of things. We are virtually gheraoed by the Chinese now. And we have still not woken up. Our neighbours on every front hate us. The Chinese in turn, love our neighbours and declare their love publicly, just in case we have not noticed the cosy relationships. Even our old ally, Bhutan, is disillusioned and angry. The Sri Lanka problem is deteriorating by the micro-second. Jayalalitha has upped the stakes and is now asking for an economic embargo, no less.While IPL fans are distraught that Sri Lankan players will skip the Chennai match, Jayalalitha is crowing. Pakistan remains as hostile as ever. Bangladesh is reliving the trauma of the old war they blame India for. We have systematically alienated the Maldivians. Let’s see…. who does that leave? The Generals in Myanmar are flirting with their Chinese suitors (Err…who isn’t?), and whatever little good will we may still have with those we call ‘friends’ is getting rapidly eroded. Despite these bummers, we carry on muddling our way through assorted crises in a manner so idiotic, It is stupefying, if not downright alarming!

But, we are not so easily shamed or daunted! We carry on with our Keystone Cops style of functioning. Our short sightedness prevents us from seeing the writing on the wall. And that writing does not go beyond Elections 2014. We are obsessed by Narendra Modi – will he make it as P.M. or won’t he? If not NaMo , then who? Note: nobody says ‘Rahul Gandhi’ on auto pilot any more. Nitish Kumar is  saying ( indirectly, of course) , “Why not me?” Mulayam Singh is not saying a thing! He’s too smart. He’s waiting. For the others to get exhausted. The rest don’t really count. Till such time as the heat gets to us and we also collapse… all we can do is laugh! But hey, for the first time in decades, we finally got one thing (almost) right – the National Film Awards ( let me qualify: this year was a small improvement on the lop sidedness of several previous years) .  What does that prove? If the intentions are honest , merit does get its due recognition. Here’s an idea, Sirji : Why not induct the  jury members  of those movie awards into the government  and get them to fix the mess? Perhaps if that happens, we’ll get to witness an entirely new star cast at the helm of affairs. And the underdog will finally get a come uppance. Please note: the underdog here does not refer to Sanjay Dutt! Let’s hope all these troubling issues will get sorted out quickly. Or else, ‘Maa ki Kasam’, we’ll  have to take serious action. Don’t laugh!

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